Developing Personal Boundaries

For someone truly passionate about helping people, advocacy and social work can become more than just a job. It can become your life’s purpose. This is great in some aspects because you are always eager to learn new information, meet with a new client, or jump in to assist with a last minute Saturday side project raising awareness. You wake up in the morning excited to go to work and may have a hard time leaving at the end of the day because you know there is so much more you can do.

        The same strong emotions feeding that passion and love for the work are the emotions that have the potential to make you crash and burn out without even realizing until it is too late. There is an incredible amount of heartache to be had when you’re working with clients in crisis. It isn’t all bad. The heartache isn’t always caused by terrible news. Let’s look at what a typical advocacy journey might look like between one client and advocate.

On day one, you pick up the phone to hear a tearful, defeated voice on the other end and can tell they are just praying inside that someone will hear what they have to say and not simply dismiss them like so many others likely have in the past. Your heart aches in sorrow for them as you listen. You invite this client to your office to speak in person with you and help them to make a plan for themselves moving forward. Every idea and suggestion you make, this client frowns only to say that they have tried each and every one with no success. Your heart aches as you see the hopelessness wash over their face and shoulders. After this conversation, you spend hours on the computer and phone trying to compile some out of the box options or ideas only to realize how limited and in demand these resources are. Your heart aches in disappointment as you look at the small heap of printouts you have to offer to the client wishing for them that there were more but trying to stay positive. The next time you speak with the client again, they express a glimmer of happiness as they report they’ve had a great interview and believe they’ve gotten the job they need. Your heart aches with anxious anticipation clinging on to that glimmer just as hard as they are praying it works out for them. The client comes to visit you the next week with obvious joy pouring from them as they tell you they have gotten the job and are looking forward to starting. But then they call you the next day in panicked tears because rent is due by Friday and their alternator went out on their car this morning. Your heart aches for them in frustration wondering if a break will ever come along. You spend hours with this client over the next two months encouraging them, planting seeds of hope and confidence praying one will sprout, hugging them as they sob and celebrating with joined happy dances for every small goal they reach. Then the day comes that you’ve both been working toward. Your client is confident, connected to community resources they so desperately needed months ago with support groups and therapy, they are able to consistently make their bills each month and even have a tiny safety net put back to catch them if something does go wrong. On the outside you are smiling and ecstatic for them as they gush about how well their life is going. On the inside, however, your heart still aches. Not with disappointment or frustration. You feel the same ache a young mother does sending their child off for their first day of kindergarten. You ache with bittersweet joy knowing you won’t be seeing this client as often and they won’t need you like they did on day one. You worry how they will do standing on their own and if they have learned enough to get back up if they fall again. You remind them that you are just a phone call away if they need you and then your heart aches as they drive away, leaps and bounds more capable and confident than they were that first day.

This hypothetical story follows the journey of one advocate working with only ONE client. In reality, an advocate is typically juggling a handful of cases just like this or more at any given time. They are getting those tearful panicked calls back to back during their workday. They are consoling heartaches  and celebrating little victories multiple times throughout a week. If they work in a shelter or residential environment they are likely crossing paths and interacting with these clients not only in professional, sit-down office settings but laughing and joking with them over lunches and dinners. They’re playing with client’s children and getting to know them on a deeper level than most other professions. Occasionally they may also have the client come along who doesn’t blossom like in the story. They may choose not to take the advice, not follow up with the resources, and not develop that confidence that we all try to instill in everyone we speak to. As an addiction case manager, the person you’re working with may relapse or even overdose. As a patient advocate, the patient whose hand you’ve been holding for weeks may not get better. As a social worker, you may drive home in tears after a home visit because an abused parent isn’t ready to seek help and you know you’ll have to file the paperwork tomorrow to remove their children. Obviously there will always be professional boundaries that cannot be crossed to protect agencies and clients from misconduct and discrimination. However, as an individual in this field it is also important to protect your own mental and emotional health through establishing and maintaining personal boundaries. 

Take your nights and weekends If you work from 9AM to 5PM, be ready to leave at quitting time. Keep your belongings in one area of your work space so when it is time to go you can shut down the computer, update whoever is next on shift, and leave without hassle. Make it a point to check in with your clients for the last time right after lunch and let them know you’ll see them tomorrow so no one stops you on the way out without there being an absolute emergency. 

Know Your Limits Limit the timeframe of heavy conversations whenever possible and know when you need to step away from the desk for a minute. The loads that our clients carry are already so heavy for them that they can’t do it alone. Remember that while they are carrying only their own load, you carry a bit of the weight from each one of your clients. Therapists keep their sessions an hour long, take a page out of their book. There will be times where circumstances demand longer one-on-one time, but reserve that for dire situations and emergencies. If you begin to feel anxious or triggered while working with a client, ask if they would like a bottle of water or snack and excuse yourself from the room for a few minutes for a deep breath.

If your position allows you paid time off, take it If you can feel your stress levels rising or you know you have a heavy week ahead of you, plan for a mental health day for the following week without feeling like you’ll be missed or needed. Likely your agency has more staff members than just you so there will be plenty of help should clients need it. If it will ease your anxiety, make sure whatever note system the agency utilizes is up to date and send out a quick email with anything that staff may need to know while you’re away.

Clock out physically and mentally When you’re not at work, try to establish things in your life to keep your mind from wandering back on the clock. Listen to loud music or an empowering podcast on your commute home, pick up a new hobby, find a long new series to binge or book to read. Remember that you are not and should be defined solely by your line of work. 

Seek out your own support Lucky for you, you’re already plugged into all of the information about local resources in your area. You may want to consider looking into therapy resources for yourself to process your own thoughts and emotions (therapists are bound by confidentiality too so unpack all of that work baggage). Whatever you feel like will help to healthfully keep you sane and happy after a long day’s work, try it

Just like I tell my parents all of the time, “you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of others.”

Good Luck & Keep Fighting,

Jess ♥️

So You Want To Be An Advocate....

 

   

    Becoming an advocate is not difficult. There are a million and one ways to get into the advocacy field with a million more truly worthy causes that need people advocating for them. It may not seem like it is a widespread profession, in fact this may be the second time you've been introduced to the term (I would assume the first introduction led you here).

    Advocates are not always called advocates. Some are called case workers, others are social workers or spokespeople. Depending on where and what field or cause you want to work for, your title may be different. The role, though, tends to stay the same across the board. Advocates, from my experience and observation, have three main responsibilities:

 1. Emotional Support    

     This is our main role, what we get into the business for, and what we are truly meant to be doing. No matter what cause you join forces with, you are more than likely fighting for people going through unfortunate and unthinkable circumstances. This means when you get into this fight, you meet and work with those people. Our job is to hold their hand and help them get through whatever their situation may be. You may develop a passion for childhood cancer and work with families at St. Jude or have lived a life where you were homeless at one point but got on your feet and want to help others do the same so you go be a case manager at the Salvation Army. Whatever passion it is that you develop and cause you decide to fight for, your number one job will be to hold the hand and be a support system for people facing that challenge. They will be your clientele and they are who need you the most. You will listen to them talk for hours, watch with quiet tears in your eyes as some take your advice and others don't, and you will celebrate with them when finally they achieve their goals needing you a little less than they did before. This is the hardest and most important job of an advocate.

    2. Encyclopedia of Resources    

     This is the part Of the job everyone forgets to tell you when you start and what you will literally work on every day of your career. It never ends. It is the reason your clients think you are a miracle worker, your family and friends think you are a workaholic, and the thing that will keep you up at night. Going hand in hand with your role as a support system for your clients, they will often (multiple times an hour day) come to you seeking direction and guidance. It is your job to know ALL THE THINGS. Don’t be afraid, you will never know ALL the things. But over time with diligent research and experience, you will learn more than the average Joe. I have told clients for years that your advocate is essentially your own personal walking, talking encyclopedia of community resources. Your child needs tutoring? I know the school guidance counselor, lemme make a call. You can’t find a job? I have a connection at “x” local restaurant, call and tell them Jess sent you. You’re moving in an hour and just realized you need a couch? Just so happens I was just scrolling through Facebook Marketplace and a friend had one for sale cheap, lemme text her to see if she is willing to donate! These are the kind of questions you’re going to get asked every 15 minutes day. It will be hard fielding these questions at first because you’re new and don’t know anything, but fret not, you’ll get there. Eventually, you will subconsciously take mental notes of resources you run across even when you’re not in the clock. You will slip business cards into your pocket with a client in mind, you will bookmark websites that you will totally forget about until you’re researching for a specific case and need it, and you absolutely will get into the habit of scrolling through craigslist or Facebook marketplace with a running list of links copy/pasted into Google Docs. I promise you’ll get there.

    3. social activist    

     Okay, this part of the job just comes with the non-profit And superhero territory. If you didn’t already deduce from the word “non-profit”, most organizations Worthington with people in need do so at little to no cost. When you aren’t charging for your services, the money to keep the lights on and support staff financially has to come from somewhere. This may not be as huge of an issue when you work for a nationally recognized Organization with donations coming in from across the globe (maybe? Enlighten me. If you do!) however I have only experienced working with small, local, grassroots organizations. When you’re small in name and usually staff, it is everyone’s job to raise awareness in the community about your agency and cause. This includes the networking I mentioned above as well as attending events, hosting festival booths, and organizing fundraising efforts. You will want to learn how your agency works inside and out, write and practice a script you can repeat over and over because you will be telling EVERYONE about what you do for a living. This is how we bring in funders, volunteers, clients, etc. You can’t make a difference in a world that has no idea that you exist.

     Speaking of networking, another great way to spread awareness as well as find resources is to join boards and councils relating to what you need. If you regularly work with the homeless or displaced, jump at the chance to join your county’s housing coalition meetings. If you are employed with a child advocacy agency, find out when the school board meetings are (they are usually open to the public) and go sit in to listen. Smaller councils and boards are typically invite only so you will just have to ask around as you grow your contacts, but when the opportunity comes up, take it. This is how you make connections, start collaborations, and education the community about your agency and clients’ needs.  All in all, just get used to talking about what you do. If you truly have a passion for it, it will come naturally.

    One more incredibly important aspect about advocacy, and I cannot stress this enough: Take care of yourself too. This was a lesson I had to learn the hard way and in talking to colleagues over the years, it seems to be that way for everyone. I tell worn out parents all of the time “take care of yourself because if something happens to you, who is going to be there for your child?” Just like you can’t pour a drink from an empty pitcher, you can’t care for others if you aren’t caring for yourself first. Set an alarm at night so you can get those 8 hours of sleep, carry that water bottle around with you everywhere you go, pick up your phone and make that therapist appointment, and just do things to make yourself happy and restored. This job is not easy. It is heavy, it is emotional, and it is tolling on your mental and emotional health. You will give everything short of the shirt on your back to help these clients get where they are going. Please, don't forget to take care of yourself.

    I hope that this will be at least a small glimpse into what life working in advocacy looks like. I have no doubt that all of these topics will come up again later in more detail. Don't let any of this sway you from your desire to get into this field. It is one of the most rewarding experiences a person can have. Even if you don't make it your forever, job, consider trying it for a short time. These causes and people need caring individuals to fight for them, speak for them, and hold their hand through the darkest points of their lives. Just be aware of what it entails and prepare yourself to fulfill the duty in the healthiest way possible. I hope this helps you even the tiniest bit on your own journey.

Good Luck & Keep Fighting,    

Jess♥️