Self-Care Intermission

Hi all,

I wanted to quickly thank anyone that has happened to stumble onto (and hopefully enjoy) TheTraumaTeacher thus far and also give a quick update on life on my end. As you likely have read on one of my posts, this site began as a pandemic project for me to share all of my child advocacy knowledge while I am currently not working directly with children and have some extra time on my hands. Unfortunately when a pandemic is raging outside of your front door, there is always the risk of potentially contracting whatever the virus is and getting sick yourself..... which is exactly what happened. With being sick for two weeks and then trying to get back into writing as usual like nothing had ever happened (not a good idea, I do not recommend), I have inevitably fallen behind in my pre-writing and will be taking a step back to write at a more comfortable and unrushed pace. I think we as advocates in some form can all agree that while we are so consistent with preaching patience and self-care to our clients, patients, and loved ones, we often forget to actually practice ourselves when the time comes. So forgive me for a little while as I personally take a step back and allow myself some grace to build my pre-written post collection back up to share with all of you lovelies. I promise that I will be back soon with lots of get informative posts, lessons, and activity tutorials.

Take care of yourselves and see

you all soon ❤

Be well and keep fighting,

~Jess

Organizing a Support Group for BIGS - Ages 9+ years

 

    If this is the first post on TheTraumaTeacher that you are reading, stop what you are doing and rewind a few weeks to my “Support Groups for Kids?!” post before reading on. 

    Ahhh, the older middle/high school group. You would hope that this group might be a little easier and in some ways it is. By this age, your kids have developed a bit more of an ability to sit and chat as well as a more mature understanding of the world. They are getting their fill of their own life stresses with friend drama, relationship drama, standardized testing that will actually affect their future. You are honestly going to have some pretty awesome discussions with this group, some during which you may even be enlightened yourself. But in this day in age and all of the advances and information we have available to us, there is likely to be some lofty expectations coming your way. This group may enjoy a longer chit chat period, but you’re gonna have to wow them to get them truly engaged. Honestly, it is still an age I am honing my own skills on. Knowledge of the day’s pop culture will always play to your favor and any effort to include technology into this group will never go unnoticed. You just aren’t going to get away with presenting this group with coloring pages and playdoh….. At least, not if you don’t present them appropriately. You’re going to have to get creative.

As with the other posts, you may choose to separate your ages different from how I have done mine. This has been solely based on my needs and resources as an advocate. You can only have as many groups as you’re able to have supervision for. I have done all ages working in one group and I have done three separate groups with age appropriate material. I’ve even had to switch back and forth each week between formats simply because there weren’t enough hands on deck from week to week. This post specifically may be something you choose to re-work because 9-18 years old is a HUGE range to accommodate at once. I get that. I’ve thought that. I feel it in the depth of my soul. But in a pinch, this can be an option that can almost actually work.

DROP-OFF

This can be a much more laid back sign-in situation. I highly recommend with any and all age groups to establish an actual “sign-in” procedure. If you’re operating under any kind of non-profit or charity organization receiving grant funding to provide your services, you will likely be expected to produce regular reports on the number of services you are providing and the number of clients you are providing them for during a period. Having a log sheet where each child is signed in on arrival can assist with completing these reports. These logs can also assist with tracking each child’s progress if you’re planning a “graduation” style session end as well as serve as an added safety measure and roster should an emergency arise (sudden flashback to teachers calling roster during school fire drills).

At this age, kids and teens have reached a point that they -should- be able to keep track of a notebook or packet long term. It could be an option to establish a session-long journal keeping project that they either bring with them to group each week or leave with you from week to week. This then could be tied into the “starter” work suggestion from our littles group planning. At this age, appropriate starter work could be a writing prompt, a short, creative writing or art project, puzzles or critical thinking activities, or even a more advanced pre-printed worksheet. This is, of course, simply one idea among lots of possibilities. You may even opt to skip an opening assignment all together and just let the kids mingle. You may choose to have an optional assignment available but not required for those who are less social than others. You also may have ideas that I’ve yet to imagine. If that is the case, I would love to hear below in the comments what you’ve tried or are thinking of trying. We are all in this together.

TOPIC DISCUSSION

Before jumping into the meat of what you’ll talk about with this age, I want to take a moment and discuss the importance of atmosphere and setting the stage for optimal discussion. I’ve mentioned before that luckily with this age group, you’re going to be able to enjoy much longer attention spans which is true. However, at this age the classroom setting and style is really starting to get old. They’ve been in school a while, their lives mostly revolve around either doing work in school or studying and doing work at home. They are always at tables and desks doing work. Now, there is nothing wrong with opting for a class setting for this group. They will understand it and hopefully meet behavioral and participation expectations you have of them. I would, however, encourage you to consider another angle that I feel has more potential for allowing adolescent aged kids to open up more freely: the casual lounge/coffee shop approach. Now this is, like everything else, going to be totally dependent on what spaces and resources you have available to you, but in my personal experience I have had much more in depth and personal conversations with older kids while relaxing in bean bag chairs and sofas than sitting at desks. 

Now back to the discussion topics. The beauty of the curriculum I created and used in my time working with children was that it was so adaptable and customizable. If you read my last post on Organizing Support Programming for LITTLES, you know that my favorite go-to for lesson topics and inspiration is basic character education concepts. Breaking these character words down to the bare bones with dictionary definitions and simple reflective questions set the stage for unlimited possibilities for adaption. Will you choose this route for your curriculum? Maybe not and that is ok. You may choose to have different plans for every group level you end up facilitating. As long as you are relating to what that age group is struggling with and going through in their day today life, you’re golden. If you don’t know what they’re struggling with, don’t hesitate to ask them. I have been known to sit down with my Bigs group and simply ask what they need to talk about, what was hard about the day, and what they have had on their mind. At this age, talking it out is totally appropriate. I would recommend though if you’re doing 9+ to preface those questions with the fact that it is a large age group and advise the older ones to censor what they say to a roughly PG-13 level. This can be a great experience for those younger Bigs that are only starting to hear gossip about dating and drama to learn how to process and deal with those situations before entering the deep end of their teen years.

Finally, like I said before, you’re gonna want to consider wowing them and getting creative. Crayons and playdoh aren’t going to cut it unless used right. You may want to brush up on your computer skills or find websites that easily help you accomplish awesome results. This age group are going to appreciate popular memes and videos, TikTok, group computer games projected onto the wall like jeopardy or family feud. Think of ways you can bring what you want to teach into our current technological age. Don’t have the resources? It happens. I didn’t either but even something as simple as working memes, emojis, and text speech into your activities are something your group will appreciate.

DRIVE IT HOME

A lot of your time with this group is going to be spent on discussion. They are really going to need to talk things out and process the emotions that they need to deal with. This doesn’t mean that this group doesn’t want and need to have fun and blow off steam. I mentioned a few technology-centric ideas in the last section, but you don't have to be a computer programmer if. You simply don’t have access to those tools. Competition and art activities can be a great way to engage this age and get them smiling and having fun. For perseverance, I had my groups engage in a challenge I caught wind of on social media building paper towers with only five sheets of paper. I set a timer, split the group into teams, and the group with the tallest freestanding tower by the time the tower went off got an extra reach into my “goodie” prize bag. Mixed medium self portraits, word art, and other competitive team activities are wonderful options that may interest a group of this age. Don’t forget to throw in some sessions with “just for fun” activities too. If you have the outdoor space this group would thoroughly enjoy balloon dart painting, tie dye, or any other large scale abstract project that would allow for expression and creativity to flow freely. This type of activity works perfectly with a session about self-esteem and self-care.

SEND OFF

Just like with every other group, you want to be able to say that you have provided every tool and bit of information that you possibly could for these skills to be practiced through the rest of the week. I would encourage you to inform the parents of your group about what you work. On each week and the instructions for any activities you do so that they might be recreated at home if they choose to do so. Even better would be to, just like with the littles group, send additional handouts and brochures with tips and information to support families with adolescents and teens. Lists of relatable movies, books, podcasts, blogs, YouTube videos, and community resources are good options.

The great thing about this age is that you can also give them optional at home work. The Random Acts of Kindness calendar I mentioned in a previous post, you can give this directly to your Big kids to do on their own. I actually have opted to give my kids blank calendars with a list of suggested “RAOK” and let them fill in and check them off on their own. Anyone that could complete a full week of random kindnesses would get some sort of special prize the next week. Make sure your suggestions are little to no cost and easily done on their own. I’ve suggested cleaning out toys or clothes they can't wear to donate, making and sending Get Well Soon notes, completing chores around the house without being asked, offering to help a friend study for a big test. Kindness doesn’t have to cost.

This can be a really fun and rewarding group to work with. Adolescents, teens, and tweens have granted me some of the best group conversations that I can remember. This is an age where you can have really gritty conversations about real life problems. I hope that this helps in your journey of program development for the older aged kiddos in your life. If I missed anything, you have questions, or would like to share your own experiences for others to learn from just as I am, please don’t hesitate to interact in the comments. I would love the hear and see what has worked for you and yours.

Also, as I mention in each post, my experience comes mostly from a background mostly in work with abuse and violence victims. Every example I have given has been used in that context, however I do truly believe that the tips and basic ideas behind this format. Could work for children and adolescents of any demographic. If you are working to develop support programming for minors. with other backgrounds and needs, reach out! I would love to collaborate and throw around ideas that could help you in that process and journey. 

I hope that this special Child Abuse Awareness Month series has been an inspiration to someone. Stay tuned for new posts every Saturday with more tips, tricks, experiences, and even lesson plan inspiration for those in the advocacy field. If there is anything specific you would like for me to cover or share, please reach out. Until then...

Good Luck & Keep Fighting,

Jess ♥️

Developing Personal Boundaries

For someone truly passionate about helping people, advocacy and social work can become more than just a job. It can become your life’s purpose. This is great in some aspects because you are always eager to learn new information, meet with a new client, or jump in to assist with a last minute Saturday side project raising awareness. You wake up in the morning excited to go to work and may have a hard time leaving at the end of the day because you know there is so much more you can do.

        The same strong emotions feeding that passion and love for the work are the emotions that have the potential to make you crash and burn out without even realizing until it is too late. There is an incredible amount of heartache to be had when you’re working with clients in crisis. It isn’t all bad. The heartache isn’t always caused by terrible news. Let’s look at what a typical advocacy journey might look like between one client and advocate.

On day one, you pick up the phone to hear a tearful, defeated voice on the other end and can tell they are just praying inside that someone will hear what they have to say and not simply dismiss them like so many others likely have in the past. Your heart aches in sorrow for them as you listen. You invite this client to your office to speak in person with you and help them to make a plan for themselves moving forward. Every idea and suggestion you make, this client frowns only to say that they have tried each and every one with no success. Your heart aches as you see the hopelessness wash over their face and shoulders. After this conversation, you spend hours on the computer and phone trying to compile some out of the box options or ideas only to realize how limited and in demand these resources are. Your heart aches in disappointment as you look at the small heap of printouts you have to offer to the client wishing for them that there were more but trying to stay positive. The next time you speak with the client again, they express a glimmer of happiness as they report they’ve had a great interview and believe they’ve gotten the job they need. Your heart aches with anxious anticipation clinging on to that glimmer just as hard as they are praying it works out for them. The client comes to visit you the next week with obvious joy pouring from them as they tell you they have gotten the job and are looking forward to starting. But then they call you the next day in panicked tears because rent is due by Friday and their alternator went out on their car this morning. Your heart aches for them in frustration wondering if a break will ever come along. You spend hours with this client over the next two months encouraging them, planting seeds of hope and confidence praying one will sprout, hugging them as they sob and celebrating with joined happy dances for every small goal they reach. Then the day comes that you’ve both been working toward. Your client is confident, connected to community resources they so desperately needed months ago with support groups and therapy, they are able to consistently make their bills each month and even have a tiny safety net put back to catch them if something does go wrong. On the outside you are smiling and ecstatic for them as they gush about how well their life is going. On the inside, however, your heart still aches. Not with disappointment or frustration. You feel the same ache a young mother does sending their child off for their first day of kindergarten. You ache with bittersweet joy knowing you won’t be seeing this client as often and they won’t need you like they did on day one. You worry how they will do standing on their own and if they have learned enough to get back up if they fall again. You remind them that you are just a phone call away if they need you and then your heart aches as they drive away, leaps and bounds more capable and confident than they were that first day.

This hypothetical story follows the journey of one advocate working with only ONE client. In reality, an advocate is typically juggling a handful of cases just like this or more at any given time. They are getting those tearful panicked calls back to back during their workday. They are consoling heartaches  and celebrating little victories multiple times throughout a week. If they work in a shelter or residential environment they are likely crossing paths and interacting with these clients not only in professional, sit-down office settings but laughing and joking with them over lunches and dinners. They’re playing with client’s children and getting to know them on a deeper level than most other professions. Occasionally they may also have the client come along who doesn’t blossom like in the story. They may choose not to take the advice, not follow up with the resources, and not develop that confidence that we all try to instill in everyone we speak to. As an addiction case manager, the person you’re working with may relapse or even overdose. As a patient advocate, the patient whose hand you’ve been holding for weeks may not get better. As a social worker, you may drive home in tears after a home visit because an abused parent isn’t ready to seek help and you know you’ll have to file the paperwork tomorrow to remove their children. Obviously there will always be professional boundaries that cannot be crossed to protect agencies and clients from misconduct and discrimination. However, as an individual in this field it is also important to protect your own mental and emotional health through establishing and maintaining personal boundaries. 

Take your nights and weekends If you work from 9AM to 5PM, be ready to leave at quitting time. Keep your belongings in one area of your work space so when it is time to go you can shut down the computer, update whoever is next on shift, and leave without hassle. Make it a point to check in with your clients for the last time right after lunch and let them know you’ll see them tomorrow so no one stops you on the way out without there being an absolute emergency. 

Know Your Limits Limit the timeframe of heavy conversations whenever possible and know when you need to step away from the desk for a minute. The loads that our clients carry are already so heavy for them that they can’t do it alone. Remember that while they are carrying only their own load, you carry a bit of the weight from each one of your clients. Therapists keep their sessions an hour long, take a page out of their book. There will be times where circumstances demand longer one-on-one time, but reserve that for dire situations and emergencies. If you begin to feel anxious or triggered while working with a client, ask if they would like a bottle of water or snack and excuse yourself from the room for a few minutes for a deep breath.

If your position allows you paid time off, take it If you can feel your stress levels rising or you know you have a heavy week ahead of you, plan for a mental health day for the following week without feeling like you’ll be missed or needed. Likely your agency has more staff members than just you so there will be plenty of help should clients need it. If it will ease your anxiety, make sure whatever note system the agency utilizes is up to date and send out a quick email with anything that staff may need to know while you’re away.

Clock out physically and mentally When you’re not at work, try to establish things in your life to keep your mind from wandering back on the clock. Listen to loud music or an empowering podcast on your commute home, pick up a new hobby, find a long new series to binge or book to read. Remember that you are not and should be defined solely by your line of work. 

Seek out your own support Lucky for you, you’re already plugged into all of the information about local resources in your area. You may want to consider looking into therapy resources for yourself to process your own thoughts and emotions (therapists are bound by confidentiality too so unpack all of that work baggage). Whatever you feel like will help to healthfully keep you sane and happy after a long day’s work, try it

Just like I tell my parents all of the time, “you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of others.”

Good Luck & Keep Fighting,

Jess ♥️