Building Your Resource Network

     Welcome to the world of advocacy! You’ve submitted your resume, aced the interview process, been welcomed in by a new employer and a hardworking team of do-gooders just trying to make the world a better place, and now you’re sitting at the desk you’ve been assigned staring at a blank computer screen begging your office phone not to ring. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there. We have all been the “new kid” in the office that barely knows what is going on, asks questions that the rest of the staff are able to answer without even thinking, and felt that surge of nervous energy when duty calls. I like to think that everyone still gets those jolts once in a while. I certainly do. Just like the clients we work with, we are all human and we don’t always have all of the answers. In fact, we never will. If we were able to magically conjure new homes, immune systems, jobs, cures, families, cars, or literally anything else our clients needed and hand them over on a silver platter neatly tied up with a bow, we would be miracle workers. But that isn’t how the world works. Resources come and go every day and it is absolutely impossible to keep up with what is out there. Even ten years in, you will learn about new programs and services around your area and find that ones you’ve used for years have unfortunately gone away. It is all a part of the job. Over time, you will be able to sit in front of a client and be able to at least start to make a plan with them for how to move forward from whatever life has thrown their way. Some of the information will seemingly find you, some of it you will hear about from one place or another, and some of it you will have to do the legwork to find yourself. I am going to give you a few ideas of where and how to find information on resources in your area as well as some critical and optional resources you should always be keeping an ear out for.

    Where?    

Within Your Agency

The first place you should absolutely start looking for resources is right outside your office door! In some work environments, it may be heavily discouraged to spend too much time “chit-chatting” at someone else’s desk or in their office. Not my idea of keeping morale up, but that is none of my business. However in the world of advocacy, collaboration is key. This is not a competition and we do not get paid on commission. There is no prize for knowing more resources than the girl in the next office over and it should never feel that way. When an advocate doesn’t have a client in their office or a call coming across their phone, they should absolutely be sharing ideas, resources, and hang-ups with their co-workers. There have been so many times that I have actually sat in with another advocate while they worked with a client and took mental notes on how they handled the case and what resources they sent them to. In fact, part of your induction into an agency should be just that - job shadowing and asking questions. If you are managing a case with struggles outside of your working knowledge, don’t hesitate to walk over to another advocate’s office and run the situation by them. The majority of skills and knowledge we attain in this field is learned through monkey see, monkey do. Not only is spending time in your coworker’s office beneficial to learning resources, but it helps to vent frustrations as well without breaking confidentiality. Just don’t overstay your welcome and make sure your work is up -to-date!

Archives

As I’ve mentioned a few times before, when I started as a children’s advocate I came into a pretty much clean slate. Though there was really nothing in place program-wise, there was a lot of paperwork left behind compiled by other employees through the years who dealt with the children’s programs of old. Mind you, most of the pamphlets and workbooks dated back to the 80s and 90s, it gave me a great place to start. It will take a lot of time, but if your agency has old paperwork, pamphlets, literature, or anything else printed by third parties it is worth it to keep your laptop/tablet/phone with you while you clean to see if some of those organizations are still operating. If they are, most places are happy to speak with you about current services if you reach out by phone and you may even be able to visit their local branch to pick up more recent literature (ALWAYS HAVE LITERATURE). Cleaning out the stockroom doesn’t sound so bad now, does it….. Yeah, ok. It still is, but you get what I’m saying.

Colleagues

Let me first start off by saying I have only recently begun using this word because it sounds so grown-up and I also have only recently realized that I even HAVE colleagues now. I just pray that I am using it right. Honestly, if you haven’t figured it out by now I am terrible at being an adult and often forget that I even am one. So yeah, there's that.

After a while of referring clients and patients to different resources, you will begin to develop professional relationships with people providing the services you refer to. Before you even realize it, you will call to confirm a therapy form has successfully processed and end up chatting with Cheryl, the patient coordinator, about how excited you are that the waiting list for housing is opening back up and checking to make sure that Cheryl’s dog was feeling better since she took it to the vet last time you both talked and comparing the best natural dog foods for different issues and how nice the weather has been this week which is perfect because Cheryl received a flyer that there are scholarships available for youth softball this year but it looks like it’s going to get cold again the weekend but that’s okay because your plans were just to curl up on the couch with Netflix and a mug of hot tea anyway……… See where I’m going? When you continually work with the same people over and over, you create a bond with them. This bond leads to longer conversations which tends to lead to information about other agencies and services they work with or have heard about. If you and your colleague from the hospital are talking and you mention how hard of a time you’ve been having connecting with low-cost clinics in the area catering to kids, your colleague very well may have some insider knowledge from within the medical field of a new clinic opening up nearby or perhaps be able to connect you with a friend of theirs in pediatrics. I highly encourage you to communicate with your resources like the people that they are because we are all really just trying to create a better world. It may even get you invited to take part in local collaborative groups and efforts, which leads me to my next suggestion..

Committees and Collaborative Efforts

Typically you have to know somebody that knows somebody to even hear about these groups, much less get an invite to attend. It isn’t intended to be that way and I assure you that most groups would really prefer more people knew about their efforts but most of these committees are small and serve a targeted audience. Once you have established your presence and started relationships with your small pool of resources, you may begin to hear about committees made up of employees from other agencies working toward your same goal. GO TO THESE MEETINGS! Find out when they are. Find out where they are held. Go to Dollar tree, pick up a little $1 notebook, and march yourself into that meeting taking down names, agencies, services, and any other information you can grab. Take the pamphlets and the flyers. This, ladies and gentlemen, is networking. This has been the absolute best place thus far that I have been able to compile resources and actually meet the people providing the services. Also, make sure to take your business card so you can tell others what you are doing as well. I have met daycare organizers, special needs medical providers, child therapists, museum program coordinators, farmers, artists, yoga teachers, gardeners, and so many other wonderful and out of the box resources through these meetings. I have also been invited to attend trainings through colleagues I have met through committees that I never would have known about otherwise because they weren’t directly tied to my field. In fact, I even was invited to give a training to early educators on the subject of domestic violence and its effect on children because of these connections. Networking is going to play a massive role in rounding out your resource library to make sure you’ve covered bases you didn’t even know were going to come up. Network. Just do it. You’ll thank me later.

Good Ole Google

When it’s the eleventh hour and you’ve still not been able to find that resource your client needs so desperately, turn to the tried and true. There is a lot to be said about opening your favorite search engine and typing in exactly what you need. Really, all you need to put in is the type of resource you’re looking for and your zip code or town name for a plethora of options to come up. Then just pick up the phone and call for more info. Most agencies have all of their information online including referral forms, but it is handy to call ahead and introduce yourself to verify that they will, in fact, accept a referral from you. I’ve found every one that I have worked with has appreciated the intro call and even invited me to their agency to tell me more about their programs. If you are working with an agency that is overseen by a larger umbrella-type organization such as a coalition or network, look them up too. I have reached out to my local state’s director of child advocacy several times to learn about resources and funding available as well as been connected to other professionals as well.

    What to look for?    

Common Resources

Clinics - Food Banks - Churches - Clothing Closets - Thrift Stores - Medical Offices - Lawyers - Therapists - Daycares - Schools - Tutoring - Housing/Landlords - Job Recruiters - Government Agencies

Uncommon (but helpful) Resources

Museums - Aquariums - Farms - Local Artists - Yoga and Health Instructors - Movie Theaters - School Groups - Volunteer Groups - Day Camps - Parks&Rec - Banks - Law Enforcement Officers - Firemen - Any First Responder - Local Business Owners - Libraries

    I truly hope that this helps you on your journey to establishing your network in the wonderful world of advocacy. If there is anything else I can help with, please don't hesitate to reach out. I would also love to hear on the comment section any unique ways you have come across new resources or even out-of-the-box resources you use in your own work. Can't wait to hear from you!

Good Luck and Keep Fighting!

♥️ Jess

Random Acts of Kindness Calendar

     This is always a go to when I am teaching kindness in a support group. Since I try to keep this lesson as one of the first introductory topics to get kids in the swing of things (fourth week at the LATEST) I find that it sets a tone early on of carrying these skills and ideas home to practice throughout the rest of the week. It is a really fun activity to be done independently or as a family that DOUBLES as a tool for kids to use in their own journey to empowerment and adding a bit more kindness into the world. If it goes over well, this calendar can be adapted to other lessons as well. It can be used to create a schedule of self-esteem mantras, track things a child is grateful for around thanksgiving, and set small baby-step goals for responsibility.

I should mention that, personally, I try to keep my groups super low pressure. I have very little expectation when it comes to kids taking work home to complete and bring back. The kids that I (and I would assume you) work with are already carrying a heavy load of healing from their own stress in life as well as normal kid academic, homework, and extracurricular commitments. That being said, I have been known to offer small rewards for anyone that CHOOSES to take a worksheet like this home, complete it, and bring it back with proof (usually parent initial or testimony) that they actually followed through with a few of the things they wrote down. It is totally up to you to decide how much of a commitment you want your support group to be, but just keep in mind the age you’re working with and what else they likely have going on outside of your learning space.

Along with this calendar activity, I usually keep full page print outs of this adorable list from CoffeecupsAndCrayons to give to parents at the end of the group with the weekly newsletter. It is super cute with lots of color and has lots of ideas for cheap and free Random Act of Kindness tasks for kids and families to do. Typically my families don’t have much money to throw around at non-necessities so this is great to encourage low stress participation. Some of my favorites are making thank you and get well soon cards that can be hand delivered for free (or mailed for the cost of postage), picking flowers for a teacher, drying off play equipment at the park after it rains, and making kindness stones to place in public gardens. There are so many other great ideas all over the internet so you can choose to print off premade lists or create your own!

As far as the calendar itself, you can be as creative with this as you like. I never knew what age groups I was going to have until everyone arrived so for me it was practical to make and print off copies of my own calendar worksheet. Early on I used this activity when I was going to be teaching kindness in January and made specific month calendars with the dates already printed in. It was a cute way to tie in the new year and starting new habits of being kind. I found, however, that the activity had a lot of success and kids actually brought it back the next week, so I started using it throughout the year and had to make a flexible calendar. If you enjoy playing around with computer graphics programs like I do, I would recommend creating a basic 5x7 square calendar table with enough space for the kiddos to write in the month and dates themselves. Then you can keep copies to use at any time. I made a sample of something that I would use in one of my groups that also has space at the side where they can write down ideas they might hear during group that they can put into their calendar.

If you’re not computer savvy, don’t fret! There is also the option, especially with elementary and older groups, to make their own calendars. Really all you need to provide is some paper, markers and drawing utensils, and any other art supplies you have on hand (sticky notes and cut up paint chips from home improvement stores work great for calendar squares) and a sample calendar as a template. Then you can just let the kids get creative. This would even be a great art journaling project if you opt to have your groups keep a weekly journal throughout the sessions.

Finally, if neither of these appeal to you you can pretty easily pull up premade calendar templates in Microsoft office to print off or make copies of a store bought calendar page. Whatever you choose to do, I am sure it will. Get the job done and equip your kids for the job. I hope that this has been helpful. Please comment down below and let me know if you want to see more content like this. I would love to hear if you chose to use this activity and how it went. As always...

Good Luck & Keep Fighting,

Jess ♥️

Organizing a Support Group for LITTLES - Ages 4-9 years

    Welcome to the elementary level group. Bear in mind that your age ranges don’t have to match mine exactly. Honestly I just made an educated guess on where to draw the line and ran with it. It is all going to depend on your needs and the resources you have available to you. If this is the first post on TheTraumaTeacher that you are reading, stop what you are doing and rewind a few weeks to my “Support Groups for Kids?!” post before reading on. 

This is where a classroom style group is really going to start making sense. Kids this age are either just starting school and learning the routines or already have a few years experience under their belts knowing what to expect. No need to try and reinvent the wheel here. Something that you will want to keep in mind with this age group, though, is the short attention span. Elementary schools have recess and hands on project learning for a reason. Children this age aren’t going to learn well by sitting quietly listening or even conversation. They need to be engaged in interesting things and moving around once in a while.

For littles, I have found it best to switch gears often and plan a series of activities related to the main topic so the kiddos don’t have enough time to get bored. It is also a good idea to give them an opportunity to burn off any excess wiggly energy before starting discussion. As with every other post, I would like to remind that my background is mainly in working with children affected by violence and abuse but truly believe that this basic layout can work for children of any demographic in need of support programming.

DROP-OFF

This is going to be highly dependent on what resources and spaces you have available to you as well as any schedule you are having to abide by. The most successful drop-off scenario I have had thus far has been an outdoor sign-in procedure. Parents were asked to accompany their child to the drop-off and actively sign their child into the group. This has a lot of positive benefits. It gave myself the opportunity to speak briefly with the parent about how the week has been and get a feel for if the family was in need of any further services or referrals usually out of earshot of the already playing child. It is a great low-pressure atmosphere for any children new to the group as they can choose to join a group of already playing children to get acquainted or play on their own and observe while they adapt. It also serves the aforementioned purpose of getting out any overflowing wiggles before the group. This is by far my favorite approach as it gives kids time to just BE KIDS around other kids like them.

In times where weather has been an issue, a backup plan I have used has been the parent settling the child in for dinner at drop-off. If the group I was facilitating wasn’t having a meal, I would have related “starter” worksheets made up and printed set up in a way that the children could access on their own as they entered along with pencils, crayons, or any other tools needed for the assignment. Unfortunately a downside to this approach with this age is that you will likely have kiddos still learning to read and write and may be unable to complete it on their own (usually leading to bored and frustrated misbehavior). I mostly use this approach if I am short on extra adult hands and have a combined littles/bigs group and older kids are available to help the younger ones. This is not a perfect approach and definitely has its hang ups but it can do in a pinch. You are basically just aiming to keep your group engaged and entertained long enough that everyone can filter in (someone is ALWAYS late).

TOPIC DISCUSSION

Imagine you’re a teacher. Now open your eyes because that is exactly what you are. Or at least to them you are, which is a good thing. School teaches kids to respect, listen to, and trust their teachers so let them believe it. No need to confuse them with titles they’ve never heard of. If you’re group is violence or abuse related, this can also have an added benefit should there be a visitation agreement in place and the child decides to starting talking about their favorite teacher Ms. Jessie and how fun she is during those visitations with the other parent. “Advocate” may raise eyebrows and trigger further questioning.

Again the number and subject of your topics is going to be totally relative to your needs and resources. My experience usually meant I was working in unison with an adult support program so I mirrored the format of that group when deciding how long my program cycles would be. If they had an off week with some sort of special event planned, I would plan something on my end as well. My group started when theirs started and ended when theirs ended.

In the groups that I have facilitated, the best basis for themes that I have found thus far have revolved around character education. Most children have heard the theme words I use from their teachers, guidance counsellors, coaches, and likely even their parents at home. An observation I noticed in myself as well as in these kids AND their parents is that the theme words I chose were used so often and freely that when I asked anyone what the word actually meant, they weren’t able to tell me. Take a moment for yourself and try to write down definitions for a few of the following words WITHOUT using the word in the definition: Humility, Forgiveness, Self-Esteem, Respect, Responsibility. You may be tempted to write examples instead of a definition, but those still don’t explain WHAT those words MEAN. That is what I chose to teach. Every lesson started with that exact exercise as I called on raised hands to try and give me a real definition for that night’s topic word. We then followed it up with the actual dictionary definition. My goal was to break these big, seemingly simple but surprisingly complex concepts down to their bare bones. This way, I wasn’t telling these kids where they should be seeing examples of each topic, but giving them the ability to evaluate situations on their own. I followed the definition with a few pre-planned discussion questions to encourage participation and critical thinking. Some examples of these open ended questions might have been: How do we show humility? What are the benefits of being responsible? What does low self-esteem look like? Who does forgiveness affect? Questions like these, I’ve found, do a great job at allowing a child to reflect on their own experiences and interactions in a gentle and healthy way. It is worth mentioning that with this age, you’re going to want to watch the clock and try to keep this section short with a max time of 30 minutes or the wiggles will emerge.

DRIVE IT HOME

This will be the bulk of your group time so prepare accordingly. As mentioned before, kids this age are wiggly and short fused. They aren’t going to cooperate doing one activity for too long. You have a couple of options here. You can have preset activities for each topic (I would recommend 2-3 for each) or you can use a method that worked for me and create a pool of activities that you mix and match from each week. This is a great method if you are just starting out and have more topics than you have activities and can also allow your group to revisit and recycle some old favorites from earlier in the session. Again, keep them short and prepare multiple. If you see your kids losing interest, move on to the next one. You also want to make sure you’re taking the time to reflect with the kids on how the activity relates back to the night’s topic. Don’t just tell them, ask why they think you chose that game. A crowd favorite of mine has always been a game I called “blind man.” It was super flexible because it could be easily adapted to almost half of my curriculum and the kids always asked to play it over and over. Their favorite was when it was Ms. Jessie’s turn to wear the blindfold and they got to tell me where to walk. If you’re interested in this activity, let me know in the comments and I will make a future post with more information about it.

SEND OFF

Now is when things can get a bit tricky if you don’t have procedures in place. For a long time, I struggled with being at the mercy of another group and never knowing when my group was going to end. Some sessions we would get through everything on time and I would just be throwing coloring sheets at the kids trying to keep them entertained until they were picked up. Other sessions we would be halfway through our first activity and giving directions with parents suddenly starting to filter in half an hour earlier than they were expected causing my entire group to dissolve into chaos. Any point I had been trying to get across was effectively shattered. There is a better way, but it takes a lot of persistence and communication of expectation. What worked for me was to have a waiting area set up for parents outside of my teaching zone with already printed and displayed information about what was going on with kids programming. This would usually consist of the weekly newsletter covered the night’s lesson plan, a calendar of upcoming events that month, and an extra handout or brochure detailing further information or a local resource to help continue practicing the skill learned that night. Some handouts might have self-esteem building positive affirmations for the family to practice, a list of age appropriate books about the nightly topic, or a calendar of easy and free/cheap acts of kindness for the parents to consider trying. I would also have instructions in this area that group was still taking place and would be finished momentarily. 

Is everyone going to pay attention to this? Not at first and some maybe not ever. But with consistency, I hope you will have mostly success with this method. As I’ve said before, the best we can do is put the tools in a person’s hands and hope they use them. It isn’t our fault if they don’t, but it can't be said that we didn’t try and give it our all.

I feel it is important to remind anyone reading this far into the post that our job, tasks, and responsibilities are just as important, if not debatably more important than anyone else’s. Anyone that works with children has worked far too long in a world where no matter what role they were in or age they worked with, they were seen by an alarming chunk of the population as babysitters.  This just is not so. Especially if you are working in an advocacy field, but even those working across the board in child related fields, your work is important. We are the architects of the future. It is our job to shape, inform, and prepare the minds of the upcoming generation to run this world when we are gone. The people that we are shaping will still be around as we grow old as our doctors, nurses, lawyers, bankers, drivers, cashiers, cooks, etc. The skills and knowledge we teach them will affect their ability to carry out those jobs for sure, but the wisdom and morality that we bestow on them will affect how well and compassionately they treat us while they do.

As always, I hope that this information helps you in your journey creating your own children’s programming. If you have any questions about any of the information in this post, what me to elaborate on anything specific, or would even like to share your own experiences, I would love to interact with you in the comments. As always…

Good Luck & Keep Fighting,

Jess ♥️

Organizing a Support Group for TEENIES - Ages 0-4 years

    This is probably the age group that I get the most funny looks about when I mention it but hear me out. If this is the first post on TheTraumaTeacher that you are reading, stop what you are doing and rewind a few weeks to my “Support Groups for Kids?!” post before reading on. 

As you know, I am a firm believer in the intense effects of trauma on this age group. Just looking at it from common sense alone, humans learn more information and skills in the first three years of life ON THEIR OWN than they seemingly do the rest of their grade school career. (DISCLAIMER: not an actual scientific statistic, but… like… it’s pretty close right? Someone smarter than me, study this!) Seemingly, a lot of what children learn in school is simply building off of what was learned in those first lucrative years. Children who already learned how to move their limbs and use their strength go on to hone them for sports. They already learned how to form sounds and words with their voices, so they hone those skills for reading and writing. They have learned emotions and family bonding, they go on to use that information to make friends and build their community. Because of the pandemic and so much being communicated online for school and work, I have caught a few glimpses on social media recently for incoming kindergarten expectations and requirements in my area. Just browsing through the digital pamphlet, you may be surprised to learn that a lot of the requirements are based largely around average and natural development. Things on the list include that a child enjoy exploration through play, be confident in learning, shows independence, respects people and property, etc. These are things that aren’t generally taught directly by a parent, but learned from observation, trial, and critical thinking. If we know and see so clearly that infants and toddlers are absorbing this massive amount of information in those first 2-3 years of life, then it is also clear to see how a traumatic event or series of events could negatively affect the child just as easily and impactfully. 

So what DOES a support group for infants, toddlers, and preschool aged children look like? Well, it is definitely not a scene from Boss Baby with tiny suits and long boardroom tables. A support group catering to this age is exactly what you think it is, a playgroup but with a therapeutic twist. If you aren’t sure how to relate to this age, find a friend who works in the baby room of a daycare. Better yet, see if that friend can get you permission to visit their classroom and observe. I am going to walk you through some of my own experiences, observations, and techniques for successfully working with a Teenies-aged group.

DROP-OFF

If you have ever been around a toddler for any length of time, you likely know that transitions are not at all their strong suit. Your best bet if this is the only age group you are working with in a session is to attempt to stay in your group learning space the entire duration of the group with as few distractions as possible. If this isn’t possible for one reason or another, then try to build your schedule with as few transition periods as you can manage. If a mealtime is included during your group time, don’t try to schedule that meal with playtime before AND after the meal. For example, have parents prep and settle their child into their high chair or seat at drop off to have the meal first, then you will only have one transition from meal table to learning space. You can also try this in the opposite order, but take into consideration that hungry babies are grumpy babies and taking toys from children is never a fun experience. You can also take a moment to ask parents about when the child had their last meal/diaper change so you can have a bit more of an idea of what to expect during group time. I would highly recommend handling as much dirty work as possible before settling into the meat of your therapeutic play so you can hopefully have fewer distractions (ie: meal cleanup, child clean up, dirty diapers, potty time, etc). 

EXPERT TIP: This may be obvious, but having a space designated for parents to store a child’s diaper bag and belongings can be a life saver. In the past, I have utilized specific corners, wall hooks, and tables and asked parents to place the belongings there themselves so it became an eventual routine. Make sure whatever form your space takes, it is near the bathroom/changing stations!

TOPIC DISCUSSION

Okay, for teenies, this can take a bit more creative thinking but gets relatively simple as you get used to it. I prepare for a teenie group just like I would for any other group. I start by getting a good idea of the topic we will be focusing on and pulling learning tools and activities together that will help encourage topic-related play. This means choosing toys, story-time books, and maybe even music related to the topic. If you happen to want to focus on humility for a session, you might want to equip your play space with books about helping others and draw focus to toys that require taking turns and sharing. You will also want to prepare an artillery of encouragements, compliments, and verbal warnings relating to being humble (You did a great job at being humble by letting Sally go first! You thought about her before thinking about you!, How did it make you feel when Tommy took the toy from you? His action caused you to be sad. The things we do can affect how others think and feel too.) You also want to keep in mind specific behaviors to watch for that emphasize the topic. If you are talking about respect, you may work a lot of “manner words” into conversation and make a big deal when another child uses one without being prompted. Topics at this age are taught mostly through observation and environment. Think about what topics you would want to teach a group of infants and toddlers, and then how you would create an environment centering on the concept. 

DRIVE IT HOME

You may choose to do one major game or craft at this age, but usually it just ends up being a memento for the parent. Some ideas I have used in the past were greeting cards to mail for family and friends to teach Kindness, Humility, or Compassion (thank you cards could be used for gratitude), decorated age appropriate (toddler) chore charts for responsibility, and “cup races” across the floor for Perseverance. Again, most of the topic teaching is going to be done through lots of passive verbal communication during carefully tailored free play, but this is definitely something you could do.

SEND OFF

This may be the smoothest of all the age group send offs because this group is so much less structured. There isn’t a set “lesson” to interrupt and usually parents stand by and watch kids play and be adorable for a minute anyway. The tip from earlier about having a designated area for belongings will make this go even more smooth as everything they came with will be in one place ready to leave back out with them. Children at this age often light up when they first see their parent return (assuming it is not an abusive parent) and pretty easily go with them unless they are just too wrapped up in their play. As I’ve stated before, transitions are never easy at this age so a verbal reminder every five minutes leading up to a change in environment can work wonders in preparing a child for what to expect (are you ready to go home in 15/10/5 minutes? Did you have fun during our group time?) It can also help to have a wrap up routine as a visual signal to kiddos that group is almost over. At 15 minutes, you could initiate last potty time and check all diapers, at 10 minutes you can make sure all belongings are correctly packed in their area, and at 5 minutes you can start to tidy toys and books that aren’t being played with anymore.

Most importantly, you want to make each parent aware of what was worked on and how they can continue the lesson at home. Will they do it? Who knows, but you can equip them. Luckily at this age, it's mostly just vocabulary cues. Continuing to encourage manner words, talking about kind acts, saying thank you to enforce gratitude and appreciation are all great suggestions to give parents to continue lessons at home. Even if you don’t think a parent will follow through, they may surprise you and the simple act of specifically mentioning it may run through their mind when they least expect it. If you take it seriously, a parent has the chance to take it seriously too. 

Hopefully this post inspired you to see the beauty and potential that an infant/toddler support group can have. It is an age group that often gets overlooked and underserved based on the thought that children are “too young to remember.” However I am of the utmost belief that this is the most affected group when considering long term effects of trauma and stress. As always, this was developed mainly through experience working with children who have experienced violence and abuse, but I do believe that with a bit of brainstorming that it could fit the needs of any demographic. If you have any questions or want further ideas and inspiration for a Teenies group, don’t hesitate to reach out in the comments and I will do my best to oblige.

Good Luck & Keep Fighting,

Jess ♥️

 

Organizing a Support Group for Children BASICS

        In case you weren’t aware, April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. Since this blog is still fairly new and children’s programming is my specialty, I thought the perfect way to recognize the occasion would be to lay out the framework of how I went about creating effective children’s support group programing. As you may have read in some of my other posts, I am a huge advocate of meaningful programming for kids that helps them process and heal from traumatic events in their lives. I truly believe that children are our future and are the keys to a more compassionate, better functioning society. If you haven't already, I invite you to check out my other post, Support Groups for Kids?!? and why I feel it is so important to cultivate and provide this type of programming.

        This post will be an introduction to the basics of what you’ll need to plan for in any support group catering to minors (0-17 years old). Before I begin, I want to be very clear that the information and experiences I share in this post come mostly from what I have personally learned in my time as a children’s advocate as well as other opportunities working with groups of children. I entered this field as a former nanny with very little direction and essentially had to figure it out on my own through research, trial, and error. The children I worked with specifically came from homes affected by domestic violence and in most cases, the child was a witness to this violence in some capacity. This format could definitely be adapted to work for children with other complicated or traumatic experiences, though I can only speak for its use with children coming from abuse. I also cannot guarantee that this exact format will work for everyone. That being said, the foundation pieces and tips I detail here have worked tremendously for my kids over the years. I can only hope that this information serves any child advocates out there, either new to the field or well seasoned looking for fresh material, in inspiring new ideas, techniques, or even just validation and encouragement. If you are in this field and feel like you’re fighting an uphill battle that no one else quite understands, I assure you that you are not alone in that fight. I can only pray that one day the world catches up to what we are already well aware of, children and families need more meaningful and tailored support.

    Gain Some Experience    

I have to say that I was a bit lucky when it comes to preparedness when I was offered the position as children’s advocate. As a teen, I had experience helping my mother teach children’s Sunday school classes as well as taking on some leadership responsibilities in church youth groups. I also realized in middle and high school that I learned information far better when I was attempting to explain concepts to another struggling student versus focusing on my own learning. These opportunities afforded me knowledge about teaching, engaging a child’s interest, and class management that served as starting points for my planning. If you are starting with little to no experience managing a group of children, I would HIGHLY encourage and urge you to start with gaining that experience. Offer to help a friend teach their Sunday school or VBS class. Volunteer to bring snacks to your nephew’s t-ball practices each week. Tag along as a chaperone on your baby cousin’s next school field trip. Whatever you do, make sure you observe the moments when children are learning and following directions. Make mental notes on what the experienced teachers and adult guardians do to rein a child’s attention and interest back in if they get distracted. Notice what gets them involved, asking questions, excited, distracted, or sets them off on a path of misbehavior (an inevitable occurrence). Having just a basic understanding of what it is to manage a group of children is probably the most important thing you will need starting out. 

    Know Your Audience    

This is going to come from a lot of different places. I would highly recommend doing a bit of reading on child development at different ages to get a better understanding of how they best learn. The average teenager may learn very well from a long group discussion, but a 5-6 year old will get the jitters and need to move after the first couple of minutes. Don’t even try that serious, deep discussion with a toddler. Knowing your audience is going to play a big role in deciding what angles to use when discussing topics and also how to talk about them. That same 5-6 year old will become much more engaged in conversation if the questions are printed on a ball being tossed around the room. While you are doing your research on average milestones and development, I would also encourage you to do some more targeted research depending on the purpose of the group. In my own case, I tried to read as much as I could on the effects of trauma, violence, sexual assault, and neglect on child development and how those factors affect learning ability, behavior, and all around health. I took great care in respecting each child’s boundaries, allowing them to participate and engage at whatever level they felt comfortable. When a child would tell a story relating to whatever topic we were discussing or question that had been asked, I allowed them a reasonable amount of time to be heard and tried to gently steer the story in a way so that they felt they expressed what they needed to process while trying not to allow another child’s traumatic memories to be triggered before they are ready to face them. I knew early on that the kid’s program I would be working on would take on more of a classroom or Sunday school vibe, as it is what children understand. I was more often referred to as “teacher” than “advocate” in that setting which helped the kid’s better understand how they should behave in group. 

    Focus On The Needs    

Okay, so you’ve spent time helping and observing various groups of children (and made sure that you actually LIKE being around and working with children! No lie, it’s not uncommon to change your mind once you’ve tried it. There is no shame in turning back.) and you’ve done some google searches on how they learn, but what are you actually going to TALK about?! This is also a bit of a know your audience section but is important enough to deserve it’s own header. This is where knowledge about your field comes in, as well as some creative brainstorming. Let me walk you through my own thought process at this phase.

Obviously, I wanted to avoid re-traumatizing children as much as humanly possible so I didn’t want to just walk in with a safety planning activity and talking about what to do when mommy is hitting and screaming at daddy on day one. In fact, I personally chose not to ever refer to violent events with a child unless they initiated the conversation one-on-one. We can discuss methods for how to navigate those conversations later because they do happen. As far as initiating them, however, I feel like that is usually better left to more advanced interventions and much more highly educated therapy professionals. The last thing you want to do is cause a child to regress in their healing process by unintentionally saying the wrong thing. This is my personal comfort-level and approach, the choice is totally your own.

With this in mind, I started thinking about what information I could talk about with these kids that would relate to what was happening in their homes and set them up for a much more peaceful future. My mind immediately went back to my own school days remembering classroom visits and lessons from the guidance counselor. You see, in school children are taught about being a good person and good citizen in very generalized terms, which is exactly what they are supposed to do and doesn’t single anyone out. What I realized was that if children were being taught about respect or trust, it may be assumed or generalized that all parents/family members are deserving of trust and all children have parents that respect one another. This becomes an issue when factors such as domestic violence and sexual assault from a family member are present in a home. So I landed on Character Education being the basis of what I would teach. This was a foundation I could build on for any age group and had a wide range of customization possibilities if a child or group needed help with something specific. (I once tailored a lesson on trust largely around the topic of information sharing as I had been made aware of multiple children in that particular session having boundary and oversharing tendencies. They were safe at that point and receiving interventions, but sharing every detail of their lives with their entire classes and people behind them in the grocery line.)

    Time and Resources    

I don’t know what format your groups will take. They may be stand-alone services or, like mine was, running simultaneously alongside a partnering parent/adult program. One way or another, you will likely have time restrictions you need to work by. When I began at my first agency, the adult program had a 12 week cycle and ran 1.5-2 hours per session. I designed my program to do the same as that was what I had available to me. Something else you will want to take into consideration is what will need to happen in that session timeframe. Does your group occur during traditional meal times? Are kids coming to you right after waking up or right after school when they will need to be burning off excess energy before being able to concentrate? How many parts will there be to your lesson and how long can you do each one? What are your age groups and what are they able to do? Do you have a plan for if the adult program runs overtime or worse, gets done early? What materials, technology, and space size do you have access to us for your teaching? Most of this will be much easier to work out in later posts when we take specific age groups, but go ahead and start thinking about solutions that would work for your own group.

    Before and After Windows    

This one changed for me with nearly every program rotation, sometimes multiple times during that rotation. You have a lot of options. The thing you will come to find out about kids is that they are HIGHLY distractible. The smallest things will steal their attention and then its a 50/50 chance of reining them back in. Have a plan for those first 10-15 minutes when kids are still filtering in. The option that seemed to work best for my usually mixed age group was doing sign in on the playground on-site. I required parents to physically bring their children to the playground, sign them in on a roster sheet, and it allowed me to get a moment with the parent out of kiddo’s earshot to get a brief update and offer quick resource referral ideas. Some options I tried before were to have parents settle their own kids at the dinner table first thing (still used this for inclimate weather), free play in the playroom/classroom area, pre-lesson worksheets, the sit-and-wait (do not recommend), and in the very beginning cartoons/tv. You also want to establish expectations with parents (and partnering adult group staff) routines for after group. For a long time, I would talk as fast as I could and just be at the mercy of when the adult group finished. I was young and naïve. Parents would be released from their group and walk into my classroom ready and expecting to leave immediately if I was still working with them or not. In my later years doing groups, I found my voice. I communicated with parents where they could wait if our group was still in progress and worked with other staff members to help communicate this when the parents returned. I also made a habit of keeping the classroom door shut with a printed sign on it. I want to encourage you to set these boundaries and expectations for the sake of the kids you serve. Many will try to convince you that you’re just daycare and at everyone else’s mercy. Know your position and job responsibilities, find your voice, and advocate for your services.

    Take Home    

You may or may not choose to do this. I am very much the pamphlet, newsletter, and literature girl. I like to put information into people’s hands if for no other reason so that they can’t claim they didn’t know something. The lessons you will be teaching these kids are directly related to their home life, so I feel it is super important to send material and information home (if it is safe to do so) for parents to continue working on. Will they read it? Possibly. Will they do what you recommend? Maybe. Will it get thrown in the trash? Almost certainly. But making the effort means you have done your absolute best to equip this family for what lies ahead and that is all that we can do. As a bonus, you can prepare the family for the next week’s lesson, give simple updates about cancellations or breaks, and include a calendar of upcoming events. The last lesson of my group cycle always included a really messy paint craft, so I utilized my weekly newsletter to remind parents to send playclothes.

I know that this was an extremely long post but I hope that it gives you some ideas and angles to think about in your own group and program development journey. I plan to do more specific posts in the near future on planning groups for specific ages so please keep an eye out for those. I also have plans to post topic ideas with suggestions for teaching and tailoring, activity and game directions, and more. If there is anything you want to see or have questions about, please reach out in the comments! The sole reason I am doing this is to compile everything I know about child advocacy in one place so new advocates won’t have to struggle teaching themselves. I’m here to help!

Good Luck & Keep Fighting,

Jess ♥️

Developing Personal Boundaries

For someone truly passionate about helping people, advocacy and social work can become more than just a job. It can become your life’s purpose. This is great in some aspects because you are always eager to learn new information, meet with a new client, or jump in to assist with a last minute Saturday side project raising awareness. You wake up in the morning excited to go to work and may have a hard time leaving at the end of the day because you know there is so much more you can do.

        The same strong emotions feeding that passion and love for the work are the emotions that have the potential to make you crash and burn out without even realizing until it is too late. There is an incredible amount of heartache to be had when you’re working with clients in crisis. It isn’t all bad. The heartache isn’t always caused by terrible news. Let’s look at what a typical advocacy journey might look like between one client and advocate.

On day one, you pick up the phone to hear a tearful, defeated voice on the other end and can tell they are just praying inside that someone will hear what they have to say and not simply dismiss them like so many others likely have in the past. Your heart aches in sorrow for them as you listen. You invite this client to your office to speak in person with you and help them to make a plan for themselves moving forward. Every idea and suggestion you make, this client frowns only to say that they have tried each and every one with no success. Your heart aches as you see the hopelessness wash over their face and shoulders. After this conversation, you spend hours on the computer and phone trying to compile some out of the box options or ideas only to realize how limited and in demand these resources are. Your heart aches in disappointment as you look at the small heap of printouts you have to offer to the client wishing for them that there were more but trying to stay positive. The next time you speak with the client again, they express a glimmer of happiness as they report they’ve had a great interview and believe they’ve gotten the job they need. Your heart aches with anxious anticipation clinging on to that glimmer just as hard as they are praying it works out for them. The client comes to visit you the next week with obvious joy pouring from them as they tell you they have gotten the job and are looking forward to starting. But then they call you the next day in panicked tears because rent is due by Friday and their alternator went out on their car this morning. Your heart aches for them in frustration wondering if a break will ever come along. You spend hours with this client over the next two months encouraging them, planting seeds of hope and confidence praying one will sprout, hugging them as they sob and celebrating with joined happy dances for every small goal they reach. Then the day comes that you’ve both been working toward. Your client is confident, connected to community resources they so desperately needed months ago with support groups and therapy, they are able to consistently make their bills each month and even have a tiny safety net put back to catch them if something does go wrong. On the outside you are smiling and ecstatic for them as they gush about how well their life is going. On the inside, however, your heart still aches. Not with disappointment or frustration. You feel the same ache a young mother does sending their child off for their first day of kindergarten. You ache with bittersweet joy knowing you won’t be seeing this client as often and they won’t need you like they did on day one. You worry how they will do standing on their own and if they have learned enough to get back up if they fall again. You remind them that you are just a phone call away if they need you and then your heart aches as they drive away, leaps and bounds more capable and confident than they were that first day.

This hypothetical story follows the journey of one advocate working with only ONE client. In reality, an advocate is typically juggling a handful of cases just like this or more at any given time. They are getting those tearful panicked calls back to back during their workday. They are consoling heartaches  and celebrating little victories multiple times throughout a week. If they work in a shelter or residential environment they are likely crossing paths and interacting with these clients not only in professional, sit-down office settings but laughing and joking with them over lunches and dinners. They’re playing with client’s children and getting to know them on a deeper level than most other professions. Occasionally they may also have the client come along who doesn’t blossom like in the story. They may choose not to take the advice, not follow up with the resources, and not develop that confidence that we all try to instill in everyone we speak to. As an addiction case manager, the person you’re working with may relapse or even overdose. As a patient advocate, the patient whose hand you’ve been holding for weeks may not get better. As a social worker, you may drive home in tears after a home visit because an abused parent isn’t ready to seek help and you know you’ll have to file the paperwork tomorrow to remove their children. Obviously there will always be professional boundaries that cannot be crossed to protect agencies and clients from misconduct and discrimination. However, as an individual in this field it is also important to protect your own mental and emotional health through establishing and maintaining personal boundaries. 

Take your nights and weekends If you work from 9AM to 5PM, be ready to leave at quitting time. Keep your belongings in one area of your work space so when it is time to go you can shut down the computer, update whoever is next on shift, and leave without hassle. Make it a point to check in with your clients for the last time right after lunch and let them know you’ll see them tomorrow so no one stops you on the way out without there being an absolute emergency. 

Know Your Limits Limit the timeframe of heavy conversations whenever possible and know when you need to step away from the desk for a minute. The loads that our clients carry are already so heavy for them that they can’t do it alone. Remember that while they are carrying only their own load, you carry a bit of the weight from each one of your clients. Therapists keep their sessions an hour long, take a page out of their book. There will be times where circumstances demand longer one-on-one time, but reserve that for dire situations and emergencies. If you begin to feel anxious or triggered while working with a client, ask if they would like a bottle of water or snack and excuse yourself from the room for a few minutes for a deep breath.

If your position allows you paid time off, take it If you can feel your stress levels rising or you know you have a heavy week ahead of you, plan for a mental health day for the following week without feeling like you’ll be missed or needed. Likely your agency has more staff members than just you so there will be plenty of help should clients need it. If it will ease your anxiety, make sure whatever note system the agency utilizes is up to date and send out a quick email with anything that staff may need to know while you’re away.

Clock out physically and mentally When you’re not at work, try to establish things in your life to keep your mind from wandering back on the clock. Listen to loud music or an empowering podcast on your commute home, pick up a new hobby, find a long new series to binge or book to read. Remember that you are not and should be defined solely by your line of work. 

Seek out your own support Lucky for you, you’re already plugged into all of the information about local resources in your area. You may want to consider looking into therapy resources for yourself to process your own thoughts and emotions (therapists are bound by confidentiality too so unpack all of that work baggage). Whatever you feel like will help to healthfully keep you sane and happy after a long day’s work, try it

Just like I tell my parents all of the time, “you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of others.”

Good Luck & Keep Fighting,

Jess ♥️