TheTraumaTeacher 2022 Update!

 

I'M BACK 

Hello friends and welcome back to TheTraumaTeacher! It has been a longtime since I last wrote and I am only just getting back into the writing process again, however I am very eager to begin making posts again. I would like to go ahead and note now that you will find linked buttons for everything I mention in this post at the bottom of the post if you would like to check out all of the new additions to TheTraumaTeacher resources!

Even though I have not been writing here, TheTraumaTeacher has still been busily expanding in other forms. As of June 2022, TheTraumaTeacher has gone live on TeachersPayTeachers selling and distributing advocacy, prevention, and trauma-healing resources as digital downloads. There are a lot of products posted to the storefront that I am incredibly proud of and thrilled to share with the world, most notably of course being my entire Coping With Character Support Group Curriculum. The curriculum can currently be bought in its complete form as a bundle, broken up into lesson-only, game-only, or craft-only, and also purchased as individual complete lessons (topic guide+all corresponding activity guides). As time goes on, I also intend to have as many individual activity products available a la carte in the shop as well however that will take some time as I want to ensure each activity has enough worksheets, variations, and content included to feel they are worth being bought independently. Also included in TheTraumaTeacher TPT shop which I am thrilled to share with the world, are my Children’s Family and IPV Safety Plan Coloring Books. This coloring book is 100% FREE to download as I feel it is an incredibly helpful resource for children living in potentially dangerous households both to teach them safety measures for protecting themselves as well to support their emotional well-being emphasizing that nothing happening around them is at all their fault. TheTraumaTeacher TPT shop has loads more resources currently available and I assure you I have a never ending list of product and resource ideas just waiting to be created and shared with the world. I am extremely close to hitting my very first big milestone with the shop as I am only five products away from my first 50 live products and I already know in my bones that this is only the beginning. If you get the chance and are seeking out downloadable trauma-informed  resources for your own child, adolescent, or teen programs, definitely keep an eye on the shop for more.

Along with the online storefront, I have also created TheTraumaTeacher’s Help Desk through Google Forms as a way to connect with other advocates and social work professionals seeking more targeted help. Through this form, anyone working in a program serving children affected by trauma can reach out to me with product ideas, suggested variations or alterations to existing products, ideas for targeted products for specific programs/services, or even just advocacy support and (questionable) advice. The fact is that I have been doing advocacy in some way, shape, or form for going on seven years now and have predominantly taught myself most of the skills and information I have now. I have had some mentorship, attended a few trainings, and was thankfully trained for the role I am in currently, however starting out I just figured it out. I would have loved (and did try to seek out) a bit more guidance starting out but it wasn’t super readily available. I want to now make myself available for others starting out or even just be a sounding board for others already emerged in it. There are absolutely more experienced advocates out there and perhaps eventually we can build a community with all of us included. However for now, it must start somewhere and I think that the Help Desk can be that point.

Another way that I have started showcasing the resources offered through TheTraumaTeacher is through creating a social media presence. You can now find profiles and posts on Instagram and Pinterest with information, demonstrations, links, and ideas for using TTT resources. Occasionally you may even get peeks behind the curtain of what projects are happening before they are ever made available to the public! Eventually as more advocates, teachers, and other professionals begin downloading and using these resources in their own programs, I also fully intend to interact with and even share the photos and stories sent in to me from you!

Finally, looking a bit more into the less near (but still near) future I have very real plans to get in front of the camera myself for TheTraumaTeacher Youtube Channel. I have went back and forth as to whether I wanted to explore video formats as well as what platform I wanted to do so with. I still may eventually explore Tiktok as another format as there are several creators there that unknowingly inspired me to create this platform thus far, but for now I think that Youtube is a better fit for my plans. When that time comes, the channel will be a resource both for advocates and professionals as well as for children. It is still very much in the preliminary planning stages but so far I have plans for virtual support lessons based on my CWC curriculum, game and craft video tutorials that can be followed along with, possibly trauma-informed book storytimes (if I can figure out the legalities that go along with it), and maybe even LIVE Q&As with me if there is enough of a following and desire to see it! Again, this is in very preliminary planning stages and so I don’t have an exact timeframe but it is very much in the works.

Of course through all of these projects and updates, I fully intend on being more active here on the blog as well. Now that I am settling into the other platforms, the writing bug is quickly creeping back up onto me so stay tuned for more posts in the near future! The thought has crossed my mind a few times to upgrade to my own website, however with all of the other projects happening currently and still being in a fairly beginning stage business-wise, we will cross that bridge when we get there. For now, you will be able to find me here on Blogger as well as all of the other platforms above (and below!) Thank you so very much if you have followed along this far. You are very much appreciated and I look forward to finding out together where TheTraumaTeacher will go from here! Stay Tuned!

Good Luck and Keep Fighting,

♥️Jess

Building Your Resource Network

     Welcome to the world of advocacy! You’ve submitted your resume, aced the interview process, been welcomed in by a new employer and a hardworking team of do-gooders just trying to make the world a better place, and now you’re sitting at the desk you’ve been assigned staring at a blank computer screen begging your office phone not to ring. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there. We have all been the “new kid” in the office that barely knows what is going on, asks questions that the rest of the staff are able to answer without even thinking, and felt that surge of nervous energy when duty calls. I like to think that everyone still gets those jolts once in a while. I certainly do. Just like the clients we work with, we are all human and we don’t always have all of the answers. In fact, we never will. If we were able to magically conjure new homes, immune systems, jobs, cures, families, cars, or literally anything else our clients needed and hand them over on a silver platter neatly tied up with a bow, we would be miracle workers. But that isn’t how the world works. Resources come and go every day and it is absolutely impossible to keep up with what is out there. Even ten years in, you will learn about new programs and services around your area and find that ones you’ve used for years have unfortunately gone away. It is all a part of the job. Over time, you will be able to sit in front of a client and be able to at least start to make a plan with them for how to move forward from whatever life has thrown their way. Some of the information will seemingly find you, some of it you will hear about from one place or another, and some of it you will have to do the legwork to find yourself. I am going to give you a few ideas of where and how to find information on resources in your area as well as some critical and optional resources you should always be keeping an ear out for.

    Where?    

Within Your Agency

The first place you should absolutely start looking for resources is right outside your office door! In some work environments, it may be heavily discouraged to spend too much time “chit-chatting” at someone else’s desk or in their office. Not my idea of keeping morale up, but that is none of my business. However in the world of advocacy, collaboration is key. This is not a competition and we do not get paid on commission. There is no prize for knowing more resources than the girl in the next office over and it should never feel that way. When an advocate doesn’t have a client in their office or a call coming across their phone, they should absolutely be sharing ideas, resources, and hang-ups with their co-workers. There have been so many times that I have actually sat in with another advocate while they worked with a client and took mental notes on how they handled the case and what resources they sent them to. In fact, part of your induction into an agency should be just that - job shadowing and asking questions. If you are managing a case with struggles outside of your working knowledge, don’t hesitate to walk over to another advocate’s office and run the situation by them. The majority of skills and knowledge we attain in this field is learned through monkey see, monkey do. Not only is spending time in your coworker’s office beneficial to learning resources, but it helps to vent frustrations as well without breaking confidentiality. Just don’t overstay your welcome and make sure your work is up -to-date!

Archives

As I’ve mentioned a few times before, when I started as a children’s advocate I came into a pretty much clean slate. Though there was really nothing in place program-wise, there was a lot of paperwork left behind compiled by other employees through the years who dealt with the children’s programs of old. Mind you, most of the pamphlets and workbooks dated back to the 80s and 90s, it gave me a great place to start. It will take a lot of time, but if your agency has old paperwork, pamphlets, literature, or anything else printed by third parties it is worth it to keep your laptop/tablet/phone with you while you clean to see if some of those organizations are still operating. If they are, most places are happy to speak with you about current services if you reach out by phone and you may even be able to visit their local branch to pick up more recent literature (ALWAYS HAVE LITERATURE). Cleaning out the stockroom doesn’t sound so bad now, does it….. Yeah, ok. It still is, but you get what I’m saying.

Colleagues

Let me first start off by saying I have only recently begun using this word because it sounds so grown-up and I also have only recently realized that I even HAVE colleagues now. I just pray that I am using it right. Honestly, if you haven’t figured it out by now I am terrible at being an adult and often forget that I even am one. So yeah, there's that.

After a while of referring clients and patients to different resources, you will begin to develop professional relationships with people providing the services you refer to. Before you even realize it, you will call to confirm a therapy form has successfully processed and end up chatting with Cheryl, the patient coordinator, about how excited you are that the waiting list for housing is opening back up and checking to make sure that Cheryl’s dog was feeling better since she took it to the vet last time you both talked and comparing the best natural dog foods for different issues and how nice the weather has been this week which is perfect because Cheryl received a flyer that there are scholarships available for youth softball this year but it looks like it’s going to get cold again the weekend but that’s okay because your plans were just to curl up on the couch with Netflix and a mug of hot tea anyway……… See where I’m going? When you continually work with the same people over and over, you create a bond with them. This bond leads to longer conversations which tends to lead to information about other agencies and services they work with or have heard about. If you and your colleague from the hospital are talking and you mention how hard of a time you’ve been having connecting with low-cost clinics in the area catering to kids, your colleague very well may have some insider knowledge from within the medical field of a new clinic opening up nearby or perhaps be able to connect you with a friend of theirs in pediatrics. I highly encourage you to communicate with your resources like the people that they are because we are all really just trying to create a better world. It may even get you invited to take part in local collaborative groups and efforts, which leads me to my next suggestion..

Committees and Collaborative Efforts

Typically you have to know somebody that knows somebody to even hear about these groups, much less get an invite to attend. It isn’t intended to be that way and I assure you that most groups would really prefer more people knew about their efforts but most of these committees are small and serve a targeted audience. Once you have established your presence and started relationships with your small pool of resources, you may begin to hear about committees made up of employees from other agencies working toward your same goal. GO TO THESE MEETINGS! Find out when they are. Find out where they are held. Go to Dollar tree, pick up a little $1 notebook, and march yourself into that meeting taking down names, agencies, services, and any other information you can grab. Take the pamphlets and the flyers. This, ladies and gentlemen, is networking. This has been the absolute best place thus far that I have been able to compile resources and actually meet the people providing the services. Also, make sure to take your business card so you can tell others what you are doing as well. I have met daycare organizers, special needs medical providers, child therapists, museum program coordinators, farmers, artists, yoga teachers, gardeners, and so many other wonderful and out of the box resources through these meetings. I have also been invited to attend trainings through colleagues I have met through committees that I never would have known about otherwise because they weren’t directly tied to my field. In fact, I even was invited to give a training to early educators on the subject of domestic violence and its effect on children because of these connections. Networking is going to play a massive role in rounding out your resource library to make sure you’ve covered bases you didn’t even know were going to come up. Network. Just do it. You’ll thank me later.

Good Ole Google

When it’s the eleventh hour and you’ve still not been able to find that resource your client needs so desperately, turn to the tried and true. There is a lot to be said about opening your favorite search engine and typing in exactly what you need. Really, all you need to put in is the type of resource you’re looking for and your zip code or town name for a plethora of options to come up. Then just pick up the phone and call for more info. Most agencies have all of their information online including referral forms, but it is handy to call ahead and introduce yourself to verify that they will, in fact, accept a referral from you. I’ve found every one that I have worked with has appreciated the intro call and even invited me to their agency to tell me more about their programs. If you are working with an agency that is overseen by a larger umbrella-type organization such as a coalition or network, look them up too. I have reached out to my local state’s director of child advocacy several times to learn about resources and funding available as well as been connected to other professionals as well.

    What to look for?    

Common Resources

Clinics - Food Banks - Churches - Clothing Closets - Thrift Stores - Medical Offices - Lawyers - Therapists - Daycares - Schools - Tutoring - Housing/Landlords - Job Recruiters - Government Agencies

Uncommon (but helpful) Resources

Museums - Aquariums - Farms - Local Artists - Yoga and Health Instructors - Movie Theaters - School Groups - Volunteer Groups - Day Camps - Parks&Rec - Banks - Law Enforcement Officers - Firemen - Any First Responder - Local Business Owners - Libraries

    I truly hope that this helps you on your journey to establishing your network in the wonderful world of advocacy. If there is anything else I can help with, please don't hesitate to reach out. I would also love to hear on the comment section any unique ways you have come across new resources or even out-of-the-box resources you use in your own work. Can't wait to hear from you!

Good Luck and Keep Fighting!

♥️ Jess

Organizing a Support Group for LITTLES - Ages 4-9 years

    Welcome to the elementary level group. Bear in mind that your age ranges don’t have to match mine exactly. Honestly I just made an educated guess on where to draw the line and ran with it. It is all going to depend on your needs and the resources you have available to you. If this is the first post on TheTraumaTeacher that you are reading, stop what you are doing and rewind a few weeks to my “Support Groups for Kids?!” post before reading on. 

This is where a classroom style group is really going to start making sense. Kids this age are either just starting school and learning the routines or already have a few years experience under their belts knowing what to expect. No need to try and reinvent the wheel here. Something that you will want to keep in mind with this age group, though, is the short attention span. Elementary schools have recess and hands on project learning for a reason. Children this age aren’t going to learn well by sitting quietly listening or even conversation. They need to be engaged in interesting things and moving around once in a while.

For littles, I have found it best to switch gears often and plan a series of activities related to the main topic so the kiddos don’t have enough time to get bored. It is also a good idea to give them an opportunity to burn off any excess wiggly energy before starting discussion. As with every other post, I would like to remind that my background is mainly in working with children affected by violence and abuse but truly believe that this basic layout can work for children of any demographic in need of support programming.

DROP-OFF

This is going to be highly dependent on what resources and spaces you have available to you as well as any schedule you are having to abide by. The most successful drop-off scenario I have had thus far has been an outdoor sign-in procedure. Parents were asked to accompany their child to the drop-off and actively sign their child into the group. This has a lot of positive benefits. It gave myself the opportunity to speak briefly with the parent about how the week has been and get a feel for if the family was in need of any further services or referrals usually out of earshot of the already playing child. It is a great low-pressure atmosphere for any children new to the group as they can choose to join a group of already playing children to get acquainted or play on their own and observe while they adapt. It also serves the aforementioned purpose of getting out any overflowing wiggles before the group. This is by far my favorite approach as it gives kids time to just BE KIDS around other kids like them.

In times where weather has been an issue, a backup plan I have used has been the parent settling the child in for dinner at drop-off. If the group I was facilitating wasn’t having a meal, I would have related “starter” worksheets made up and printed set up in a way that the children could access on their own as they entered along with pencils, crayons, or any other tools needed for the assignment. Unfortunately a downside to this approach with this age is that you will likely have kiddos still learning to read and write and may be unable to complete it on their own (usually leading to bored and frustrated misbehavior). I mostly use this approach if I am short on extra adult hands and have a combined littles/bigs group and older kids are available to help the younger ones. This is not a perfect approach and definitely has its hang ups but it can do in a pinch. You are basically just aiming to keep your group engaged and entertained long enough that everyone can filter in (someone is ALWAYS late).

TOPIC DISCUSSION

Imagine you’re a teacher. Now open your eyes because that is exactly what you are. Or at least to them you are, which is a good thing. School teaches kids to respect, listen to, and trust their teachers so let them believe it. No need to confuse them with titles they’ve never heard of. If you’re group is violence or abuse related, this can also have an added benefit should there be a visitation agreement in place and the child decides to starting talking about their favorite teacher Ms. Jessie and how fun she is during those visitations with the other parent. “Advocate” may raise eyebrows and trigger further questioning.

Again the number and subject of your topics is going to be totally relative to your needs and resources. My experience usually meant I was working in unison with an adult support program so I mirrored the format of that group when deciding how long my program cycles would be. If they had an off week with some sort of special event planned, I would plan something on my end as well. My group started when theirs started and ended when theirs ended.

In the groups that I have facilitated, the best basis for themes that I have found thus far have revolved around character education. Most children have heard the theme words I use from their teachers, guidance counsellors, coaches, and likely even their parents at home. An observation I noticed in myself as well as in these kids AND their parents is that the theme words I chose were used so often and freely that when I asked anyone what the word actually meant, they weren’t able to tell me. Take a moment for yourself and try to write down definitions for a few of the following words WITHOUT using the word in the definition: Humility, Forgiveness, Self-Esteem, Respect, Responsibility. You may be tempted to write examples instead of a definition, but those still don’t explain WHAT those words MEAN. That is what I chose to teach. Every lesson started with that exact exercise as I called on raised hands to try and give me a real definition for that night’s topic word. We then followed it up with the actual dictionary definition. My goal was to break these big, seemingly simple but surprisingly complex concepts down to their bare bones. This way, I wasn’t telling these kids where they should be seeing examples of each topic, but giving them the ability to evaluate situations on their own. I followed the definition with a few pre-planned discussion questions to encourage participation and critical thinking. Some examples of these open ended questions might have been: How do we show humility? What are the benefits of being responsible? What does low self-esteem look like? Who does forgiveness affect? Questions like these, I’ve found, do a great job at allowing a child to reflect on their own experiences and interactions in a gentle and healthy way. It is worth mentioning that with this age, you’re going to want to watch the clock and try to keep this section short with a max time of 30 minutes or the wiggles will emerge.

DRIVE IT HOME

This will be the bulk of your group time so prepare accordingly. As mentioned before, kids this age are wiggly and short fused. They aren’t going to cooperate doing one activity for too long. You have a couple of options here. You can have preset activities for each topic (I would recommend 2-3 for each) or you can use a method that worked for me and create a pool of activities that you mix and match from each week. This is a great method if you are just starting out and have more topics than you have activities and can also allow your group to revisit and recycle some old favorites from earlier in the session. Again, keep them short and prepare multiple. If you see your kids losing interest, move on to the next one. You also want to make sure you’re taking the time to reflect with the kids on how the activity relates back to the night’s topic. Don’t just tell them, ask why they think you chose that game. A crowd favorite of mine has always been a game I called “blind man.” It was super flexible because it could be easily adapted to almost half of my curriculum and the kids always asked to play it over and over. Their favorite was when it was Ms. Jessie’s turn to wear the blindfold and they got to tell me where to walk. If you’re interested in this activity, let me know in the comments and I will make a future post with more information about it.

SEND OFF

Now is when things can get a bit tricky if you don’t have procedures in place. For a long time, I struggled with being at the mercy of another group and never knowing when my group was going to end. Some sessions we would get through everything on time and I would just be throwing coloring sheets at the kids trying to keep them entertained until they were picked up. Other sessions we would be halfway through our first activity and giving directions with parents suddenly starting to filter in half an hour earlier than they were expected causing my entire group to dissolve into chaos. Any point I had been trying to get across was effectively shattered. There is a better way, but it takes a lot of persistence and communication of expectation. What worked for me was to have a waiting area set up for parents outside of my teaching zone with already printed and displayed information about what was going on with kids programming. This would usually consist of the weekly newsletter covered the night’s lesson plan, a calendar of upcoming events that month, and an extra handout or brochure detailing further information or a local resource to help continue practicing the skill learned that night. Some handouts might have self-esteem building positive affirmations for the family to practice, a list of age appropriate books about the nightly topic, or a calendar of easy and free/cheap acts of kindness for the parents to consider trying. I would also have instructions in this area that group was still taking place and would be finished momentarily. 

Is everyone going to pay attention to this? Not at first and some maybe not ever. But with consistency, I hope you will have mostly success with this method. As I’ve said before, the best we can do is put the tools in a person’s hands and hope they use them. It isn’t our fault if they don’t, but it can't be said that we didn’t try and give it our all.

I feel it is important to remind anyone reading this far into the post that our job, tasks, and responsibilities are just as important, if not debatably more important than anyone else’s. Anyone that works with children has worked far too long in a world where no matter what role they were in or age they worked with, they were seen by an alarming chunk of the population as babysitters.  This just is not so. Especially if you are working in an advocacy field, but even those working across the board in child related fields, your work is important. We are the architects of the future. It is our job to shape, inform, and prepare the minds of the upcoming generation to run this world when we are gone. The people that we are shaping will still be around as we grow old as our doctors, nurses, lawyers, bankers, drivers, cashiers, cooks, etc. The skills and knowledge we teach them will affect their ability to carry out those jobs for sure, but the wisdom and morality that we bestow on them will affect how well and compassionately they treat us while they do.

As always, I hope that this information helps you in your journey creating your own children’s programming. If you have any questions about any of the information in this post, what me to elaborate on anything specific, or would even like to share your own experiences, I would love to interact with you in the comments. As always…

Good Luck & Keep Fighting,

Jess ♥️

Support Group for Kids?!

Yes!

     This may seem like an insane concept. I say that because when I was first starting out, I had a hard time finding specific kid's support group resources. When I say kids, I mean of all ages. I am sure there are support groups out there for teens and maybe even tweens. In the groups I facilitated, I often times had pre-school and kindergarten age children in attendance. I mean actual KIDS. I am honestly still not even sure it is a widespread thing. Most people see children as ignorant and too young to be affected by anything going on around them. Not the case.

    Take a second to think about childhood. In the first two years of a person's life, they learn likely as much if not more than they learn in their entire grade school experience. Fine and gross motor skills, eating before and after teeth, sleeping habits, faces, voices, discovering parts of their body, physical communication, forming vocalized sounds and eventually recognizable words, core balance and strength, walking, cause and effect, I could go on and on... Moreover, most of these things are learned from observing and experiencing the world around them. They are literal sponges taking in everything they see, hear, and feel. Now consider children that experience violence and trauma during this period of their life. Children internalize their experiences and don't yet know how to deal with the thoughts and real, heavy, adult-level emotions they feel towards those experiences. I once attended a training where the person presenting told a story about a family of 5 who were the subject of a 911 domestic violence call. Without telling the entire story, the point they were getting across and that stood out to me the most was the fact that everyone brushed off the infant on scene assuming he was too young to be affected and therefore not in need of support. A few years later following the event he had developed violent tendencies and severely injured another child in his daycare class. It is possible that had this child received early intervention following that 911 response, the later behavior could have been prevented. In my experience kid's support groups work and are a great resource for children to process through their experiences and learn what life, family, and personal relationships are supposed to look like. They are obviously not something that should be used in place of formal child trauma therapy, but they can be a great addition to a child's recovery journey.

    Now, understand I say all of this coming from a childhood trauma perspective and it may take some brainstorming to adapt to other groups going through different life journeys. I could totally see the concepts and ideas I have used being adapted for foster and adoption programs, children's hospitals, juvenile services, behavioral programs, etc. I also want to mention, as I do in every post, that this is simply what has worked for the groups I have facilitated. I am not in any way, shape, or form a licensed therapist or counselor. I am just a nanny-turned-advocate that saw a need and tried to meet it as best as I was able. Please feel free to reach out to me if you have any insights, ideas, or additions you have to add to this or any other post on TheTraumaTeacher. I am always searching for like-minds as well as opposing views to consider and tailor my own knowledge. In advocacy, you should never ever stop learning.

I hope this post has inspired you to see the need and benefits of developing support group programming specifically for children. Keep checking back for more posts and details of how I organized, planned, and managed various groups of all different ages as well as lesson planning inspiration and resources. If you learn anything from my experiences or even just enjoy visiting TheTraumaTeacher and feel other people need to know and be aware of the information here, please share the link with friends or through social media. My number one goal for this blog is to further raise awareness about domestic violence, childhood trauma, and mental health support. If I can help even one person on their journey into child advocacy who is just trying to help kids heal, I have done my job. Until next time…

Good Luck & Keep Fighting,

Jess ♥️

The Humble Approach: Empower, Don't Overpower

    

    It may just be my personality or how I was raised, but I've always leaned heavily toward being an incredibly humble person. Like, to a fault. I have trouble admitting I have any level of talent for doing literally anything, even when I fully know that I am skilled and talented. It is painful for me to even accept a compliment for doing things well. Seriously, ask anyone that knows me. In most cases, it is a terrible, awful trait to have. 0 out of 10 DO NOT recommend.  Recognition for doing well or having an area of personal expertise should be a great thing. It is something I am working hard with myself on, but surprisingly it has served me well in my interactions with clients.

    When I entered into this field and after a bit of general observation, I made the semi-conscious decision that when working with clients I would approach people with a high level of humility. Bear in mind that my background is in child advocacy and a lot of the nitty-gritty conversations I was having was with parents, however I think this approach can and should be used in most advocacy interactions. You would think that most social and humanitarian work is done by the saintly-est, salt of the earth, most humble human beings in the world.... I am here to tell you that advocacy, non-profit, and social work fields are just like every other workplace. There are employees who love the job, have a heart that bleeds for their clients, and will do nearly anything for people in need, and then there are the people who think they know everything and end up only looking for praise and recognition. My nerdy self likes to refer to the latter as having “superhero syndrome.” Attention and praise feel amazing and can be addictive so it is understandable how someone can get caught in that trap, especially depending on one’s personality. However if you’re prone to it please go into another field. We appreciate your effort and hopefully good intentions, but you would enjoy and do much better in something competitive and commission based. Maybe try real-estate?

    I firmly believe in order to be able to do this work effectively, you need to be an extremely grounded person who can meet anyone that sits in front of you on their own level. We are professional best friends. We hold the hands of people walking through the worst moments of their lives. They don’t need to be lectured, made to feel under informed or feel incompetent every second that they talk to you. Think of it this way: Imagine you go to your best friend with a problem you’re having in your life. What do you want from them in return? Do you want them to listen and build you up, telling you how awesome you are and how you deserve better? Do you want them to suggest a friend, connection, or resource they personally know about and can vouch for? Do you want them to interrupt every sentence you try to get out with comments about what you’re doing wrong, overwhelm you with names and numbers, and try to fix you like you’re a project and not a human being? Most times we just want validation and to feel like we are heard. If we want help and resources, we will ask. Clients apply to this too. You will find that the majority of time you spend with a client will end up just being venting and brainstorming sessions with the client doing most of the talking. It is what they need. Your role in that is to just be the sounding board for them. If you’re not sure exactly how to do that, here are a few tricks and phrases I keep up my own sleeve.

    “Take it or leave it”    

    I started using this approach with parents and have found that it works with pretty much any demographic of client. Anyone that is a parent or knows a parent can attest that they are prime targets for unsolicited advice starting from the moment they announce they are expecting. The first platform a parent uses when defending their choices and styles is that no one has walked in their shoes. This is 100% accurate. No one knows a child as well as the parent does. No one knows what a family’s home life looks like if they have never lived in that home. It is impossible to know another person’s personal life experiences and perspectives no matter how close you may think you are to that person. Aside from parents, people who are seeking employment, facing legal issues, ending a relationship, and navigating mental/emotional/physical health crises closely follow as targets for the same treatment. Funny thing, as an advocate these are the people you will be working with. Any time I meet and start working with a client. I have a phrase I always tell them upfront: 

“You know your life, child, and self better than I do. Only you know What will actually work for you and your family. I have worked in this field for 5 years and have a lot of experience but I will admit that I don’t have all the answers and I won’t always be right. I will always ask first if you would like any advice I have to give and you will always have a choice if you would like to hear it or not. It is also up to you whether you decide to take or try that advice once you have it.”

    As an advocate, it is not our job to tell anyone what to do. It is only our job to empower people with information. Just because you give them that information doesn’t mean they will or have to use it. A client ultimately has to design a life or plan that works best for their family and it may be completely different than what you had in mind. That is okay. It is their life that they have to live and maintain, not ours. 

    Go on the Journey    

    It Is okay not to know everything. It can even help strengthen a bond between you and a client. It can be intimidating for a client in need to seek out help just to be sat in front of someone that seems to have all of life’s answers already figured out. For someone who is lost, struggling, or facing dark days it can be daunting and can make a person feel incompetent, like there is something wrong with them because they don’t know everything that you know. The information we gain as advocates comes from time, experience, and networking. In fact, a lot of what I know now came from needing to find resources for specific clients and cases. Don’t allow your clients to think all of this information comes to you effortlessly. Be transparent. If a client comes to you with a need that you’re unfamiliar with, tell them you’re unfamiliar with it but that you’re going to do some research to find resources to get them where they need to go. Better yet, make an appointment with them to sit down and do the research alongside them. An agency I worked for had a computer specifically for client use that I have sat at multiple times with clients helping them find answers that they needed. If a client witnesses you simply typing the problem into a Google search bar and being able to get the information they need, they will then feel like they are capable of doing the same research on their own. In a world where we carry more technology in our pockets than was used to put man on the moon, you would be amazed how many people believe information is a heavily guarded commodity. If you are transparent with your clients and go on the journey with them to reach their goals, you will not only help them in the moment, but equip them to grow long after your time with them is over. This job is not a competition, show your clients how to do the job for themselves. We want them to not need us eventually.

    Ask questions, Don’t give Answers    

    I have to admit, this is not a tip I learned from my own experience but rather from a training on parent coaching I attended. As I’ve said before, most encounters you have with clients will mainly just be a client needing someone to vent to and let off steam. Occasionally during these venting sessions, they will try to get you to tell them what they need to do. Your job is NOT to try and fix their situation, it is to hold their hand and help them process for themselves along the way. Part of helping them navigate is equipping clients with the skills to do their own problem solving. If a client is looking at housing and asks you to choose between two options, don't. Rather, guide them to figuring out what option is best for them through a variety of questions.

    - What are the pros and cons for each option?

    - How does it compare to the last place you were living? 

What did you not like about your last home?

    - What are your long-term plans? Do you plan to stay in this 

home forever?

    You can use open ended questions like these to frame any situation where a client wants you to write their story for them. I have used this method to guide clients through decisions about housing, mental health, career choices, parenting and discipline, etc. It is simply the act of taking a coaching and "choose-your-own-adventure" approach rather than spoon feeding answers. An additional benefit of taking this approach is the ability to reframe failure. If you give someone all of the answers, they will blame you when it doesn't work out. Allowing a client to come to their own conclusions helps them to take accountability for their decisions as well as equip them for making future decisions. They may have not completely thought out their plan and something they didn't account for happened. From this, they will then know they must have a pre-arranged back up plan working into their goals moving forward. Occasionally you have a client that truly is lost and doesn't know where to start. In this case, you can ask more direct questions such as; "how close is this option to your child's school? Are you willing to switch their schools? Does it fit into your budget? How close will you be to work or public transportation." You want clients to learn how to think critically and fully flesh out their plans on their own, again, because we eventually want them to be self-sufficient. 

    Wait for the Pause    

    This requires good judgement on your part. Depending on your role within an organization, you may have a lot of appointments and cases to manage so your time isn’t going to be unlimited. Let a client know this before the one-on-one session begins so they know you both should be watching the clock and may need to reconvene again later. Once you've made them aware and covered any questions or topics you needed to hit, ask them how they are or what is new then let them talk the rest of your appointment time. Don't interrupt them, don't interject, just actively listen and take mental or written notes. I get a much better picture of what a client has experienced and is currently facing by just letting them talk. In this atmosphere, a client tends to get comfortable and will disclose details they may not have thought of during a Q&A session. Eventually, the client will pause to gauge you for any judgement or thoughts, possibly even ask your opinion. That's when you can refer back to the last tip, ask open ended questions. "How does that make you feel? Do you have a plan moving forward? What have you tried?" The pause is when you begin to coach and guide. If you have a problem with interjecting (I honestly did when I started and still have to correct myself occasionally) make a habit of grabbing a notebook and pen before or at the start of a conversation. Anytime you want to interrupt to ask about something, just jot down what it is you're curious about to refer back to at the inevitable pause. Then you can start to try and make sense of the epic monologue that has been presented to you.

    Mutually Set Goals    

    My clients always know I am working behind the scenes for them because I am always emailing and printing off handouts for them every time they see me. I am the pamphlet queen. This is usually a discussion we have early on. At the end of my first advocacy session with a person as well as every following session, I make sure to wrap up the session by going back over the information and concerns they presented to me and any goals we have set for ourselves. I want to make sure my clients understand that after a one-on-one session with me, we will both have homework when we leave the table. You always want your clients working on something for themselves. I am perfectly happy to share information about a resource, print out the pamphlet with all the details, provide a sticky note with the contact information, and even let you use my phone to call, however I fully expect the client to be the one to make the phone call and report back with the outcome. It can't be one sided though, the client has to know there is work being done on both sides. Arrange with the client a timeframe you both reasonably believe you can have it done, decide how you want to communicate what you've found, and set a time to sit back down for another one-on-one planning session. This will help build a working relationship between you and your client, keep momentum, help the client feel like they have a reliable support system, and keep you both accountable.

    Try not to get disappointed    

    Prepare to have your heartbroken. Part of this approach is putting the power and accountability on the client. I can tell you first hand that not everyone is going to want your advice, not everyone is going to use your advice, and not everyone is going to be motivated to follow through. Some people just aren't ready. Our job is to meet people where they are and if where they are isn't ready, it is what it is. You can't let it get you down and you can't get angry with them. As the old saying goes, "you can lead a horse to water..." Prepare yourself for those clients that will continue to be self-destructive. Prepare yourself for the ones who choose to walk back into danger. Prepare for the ones that aren't mentally or emotionally prepared to put down whatever they are addicted to. It is going to happen and it is a part of the process. All you can do is give them information and encourage them but in order to truly empower them, you have to allow them to freely make their own choices and face the consequences for them. Sometimes you may be able to backtrack and start smaller by referring them to therapy, rehab, or support groups. You may and should try to work in pep talks and verbal encouragement into your one-on-one time. In my work with abuse survivors, I am constantly building up and encouraging clients because the person who abused them verbally tore them down as a means to control them. Always try to keep your words and conversations positive and forward moving. If they relapse or mess up because they didn't take advice, don't get angry. Just flip back in your notes to day 1 and start back over with a smile. Some clients sabotage because they don't think they deserve the services they are receiving. The believe making the advocate disappointed or angry will reinforce that. Don't reinforce it. Don't spread yourself working too hard for a client, but however hard they are working for themselves work just slightly more than that for them so they know they are worthwhile.

    Celebrate the Baby Steps    

    Echoing the last tip, reinforce even the tiniest steps forward. A client that is down trodden and discouraged will see their goals as mammoth, impossible tasks. They will feel like they haven't succeeded if they haven't hit the major goal and that they have failed if even the smallest obstacle arises. This is something that needs to be unlearned and is a great thing for an advocate to work with a client on. I have been known to do happy dances for clients that reported back to me with housing leads (did not apply just, just did the research), submitted job applications, and got kids to bed 15 minutes earlier than they usually would (though still way later than they should have been up). Progress is something to be celebrated, especially when progress is something that hasn't been made in a while. Celebrate the little things, even if they look at you like you have three heads. Eventually they will (hopefully) catch on and do a happy dance with you realizing their tiny bit of progress is a good thing. Then over time stretch out those goals, aim higher, but only when the client has learned to celebrate their own baby step milestones.

I sincerely hope that these tips and tricks I've learned along the way help you on your own journey. As I have always told my clients, I don't know it all and you can choose to take it or leave it. Ultimately the choice is yours and the hopefully you too will fall in love with advocacy and non-profit work as much as I have. I wish you the best of luck on your journey and hope it will take you places you never thought you would go.

Good Luck & Keep Fighting,

Jess ♥️

So You Want To Be An Advocate....

 

   

    Becoming an advocate is not difficult. There are a million and one ways to get into the advocacy field with a million more truly worthy causes that need people advocating for them. It may not seem like it is a widespread profession, in fact this may be the second time you've been introduced to the term (I would assume the first introduction led you here).

    Advocates are not always called advocates. Some are called case workers, others are social workers or spokespeople. Depending on where and what field or cause you want to work for, your title may be different. The role, though, tends to stay the same across the board. Advocates, from my experience and observation, have three main responsibilities:

 1. Emotional Support    

     This is our main role, what we get into the business for, and what we are truly meant to be doing. No matter what cause you join forces with, you are more than likely fighting for people going through unfortunate and unthinkable circumstances. This means when you get into this fight, you meet and work with those people. Our job is to hold their hand and help them get through whatever their situation may be. You may develop a passion for childhood cancer and work with families at St. Jude or have lived a life where you were homeless at one point but got on your feet and want to help others do the same so you go be a case manager at the Salvation Army. Whatever passion it is that you develop and cause you decide to fight for, your number one job will be to hold the hand and be a support system for people facing that challenge. They will be your clientele and they are who need you the most. You will listen to them talk for hours, watch with quiet tears in your eyes as some take your advice and others don't, and you will celebrate with them when finally they achieve their goals needing you a little less than they did before. This is the hardest and most important job of an advocate.

    2. Encyclopedia of Resources    

     This is the part Of the job everyone forgets to tell you when you start and what you will literally work on every day of your career. It never ends. It is the reason your clients think you are a miracle worker, your family and friends think you are a workaholic, and the thing that will keep you up at night. Going hand in hand with your role as a support system for your clients, they will often (multiple times an hour day) come to you seeking direction and guidance. It is your job to know ALL THE THINGS. Don’t be afraid, you will never know ALL the things. But over time with diligent research and experience, you will learn more than the average Joe. I have told clients for years that your advocate is essentially your own personal walking, talking encyclopedia of community resources. Your child needs tutoring? I know the school guidance counselor, lemme make a call. You can’t find a job? I have a connection at “x” local restaurant, call and tell them Jess sent you. You’re moving in an hour and just realized you need a couch? Just so happens I was just scrolling through Facebook Marketplace and a friend had one for sale cheap, lemme text her to see if she is willing to donate! These are the kind of questions you’re going to get asked every 15 minutes day. It will be hard fielding these questions at first because you’re new and don’t know anything, but fret not, you’ll get there. Eventually, you will subconsciously take mental notes of resources you run across even when you’re not in the clock. You will slip business cards into your pocket with a client in mind, you will bookmark websites that you will totally forget about until you’re researching for a specific case and need it, and you absolutely will get into the habit of scrolling through craigslist or Facebook marketplace with a running list of links copy/pasted into Google Docs. I promise you’ll get there.

    3. social activist    

     Okay, this part of the job just comes with the non-profit And superhero territory. If you didn’t already deduce from the word “non-profit”, most organizations Worthington with people in need do so at little to no cost. When you aren’t charging for your services, the money to keep the lights on and support staff financially has to come from somewhere. This may not be as huge of an issue when you work for a nationally recognized Organization with donations coming in from across the globe (maybe? Enlighten me. If you do!) however I have only experienced working with small, local, grassroots organizations. When you’re small in name and usually staff, it is everyone’s job to raise awareness in the community about your agency and cause. This includes the networking I mentioned above as well as attending events, hosting festival booths, and organizing fundraising efforts. You will want to learn how your agency works inside and out, write and practice a script you can repeat over and over because you will be telling EVERYONE about what you do for a living. This is how we bring in funders, volunteers, clients, etc. You can’t make a difference in a world that has no idea that you exist.

     Speaking of networking, another great way to spread awareness as well as find resources is to join boards and councils relating to what you need. If you regularly work with the homeless or displaced, jump at the chance to join your county’s housing coalition meetings. If you are employed with a child advocacy agency, find out when the school board meetings are (they are usually open to the public) and go sit in to listen. Smaller councils and boards are typically invite only so you will just have to ask around as you grow your contacts, but when the opportunity comes up, take it. This is how you make connections, start collaborations, and education the community about your agency and clients’ needs.  All in all, just get used to talking about what you do. If you truly have a passion for it, it will come naturally.

    One more incredibly important aspect about advocacy, and I cannot stress this enough: Take care of yourself too. This was a lesson I had to learn the hard way and in talking to colleagues over the years, it seems to be that way for everyone. I tell worn out parents all of the time “take care of yourself because if something happens to you, who is going to be there for your child?” Just like you can’t pour a drink from an empty pitcher, you can’t care for others if you aren’t caring for yourself first. Set an alarm at night so you can get those 8 hours of sleep, carry that water bottle around with you everywhere you go, pick up your phone and make that therapist appointment, and just do things to make yourself happy and restored. This job is not easy. It is heavy, it is emotional, and it is tolling on your mental and emotional health. You will give everything short of the shirt on your back to help these clients get where they are going. Please, don't forget to take care of yourself.

    I hope that this will be at least a small glimpse into what life working in advocacy looks like. I have no doubt that all of these topics will come up again later in more detail. Don't let any of this sway you from your desire to get into this field. It is one of the most rewarding experiences a person can have. Even if you don't make it your forever, job, consider trying it for a short time. These causes and people need caring individuals to fight for them, speak for them, and hold their hand through the darkest points of their lives. Just be aware of what it entails and prepare yourself to fulfill the duty in the healthiest way possible. I hope this helps you even the tiniest bit on your own journey.

Good Luck & Keep Fighting,    

Jess♥️